Our Family

Kadie Lost Her Tooth

2010-10-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

Finally lost the first tooth. She has been waiting for a long time as everyone else in her class has lost a tooth. It is amazing how little those baby teeth look when they fall out and how huge their big teeth look. She is a happy girl.

Hard to see but she lost the bottom right center tooth. Growing up!

Miny Miracles

2010-10-27T08:12:00.001-07:00

Kadie actually let me teach her something this morning! She was doing her Math Minute (in the morning at the breakfast table because I cannot keep up with 1st grade homework) and she was basically just guessing. Math minute is to help kids speed up their addition facts, however you first need to know your facts which she does not. Anyway, she was guessing wrong so I taught her some simple addition tricks. The mini miracle is that she listened and then..... music to my mommy ears....said "Hey Mom, you actually know how to do this!" Yep. The sayings is true, what goes around comes around. I am sure my mom will read this later today and reminisce over the years of me and my sister treating her like she was a total idiot- good times.

Why is it when we are 6 (and older too) do we think our parents know nothing but our teachers are God?

I have often lovingly said that Kadie has an unteachable spirit. The polite way to say she was a "know it all". Not really in the typical obnoxious way but in the creative imaginative denial way. For instance when she was 4 she asked me how the lines got on the road. When I told her how they did that, she simply said in all seriousness, "Nope, that is not how they do it mom. These fairies fly down with paintbrushes while we are sleeping and paint dandelion dust on the road." She would tell me that I spelled things wrong when she could not even read. She would tell me that letters made different sounds than they actually did. She was serious, and I clearly did not know what I was talking about.

I was delighted when she went to preschool and actually listened and learned from her teacher. It gave me hope. But now we have this issue....full out battles over what the teacher said verses what I know to be fact. For instance there have been words that she is mispronouncing when reading. I will correct her occasionally and she will say "No, Mrs Hansel told me to pronounce it this way." I talking simple words that make no sense to pronounce differently. Are you kidding me? Then we have to go thru the whole "lying" talk which leads to defensiveness and denial. Again... good times.

But this morning there may have been a breakthrough. Not holding my breath but hopeful.

I do have to say, I cannot believe how fast she has learned to read. It is shocking. Jack was an early strong reader (before Kindergarten) so Kadie was more on the normal track. But all of a sudden she brought home a chapter book and started reading it! She sounded out the word "actually" last night. Wow. We were fighting over sight words 2 weeks ago, it is amazing how it just clicks all of a sudden. I forget that.

Yay! It is so fun when they can read.

Our Baby Turns 3!

2010-10-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

Isabella turns 3 today. We did her party on Saturday so to avoid the continuous obsession we have not even told her today was her actual birthday. It is hard to believe that she is already 3.

Our baby is growing up. She is in panties and a big girl bed. She is talking and playing with little toys alone. Her little voice is so sweet when she playing little imaginary games with her stuffed animals. She adores Lucy and they are like two little peas in a pod. At night when we try to find Lucy to put her out she is almost always snuggled up on Issies bed. And she is smart. Freakishly smart at times. With numbers and letters but also with the things she says and how she can figure things out. She is still pretty bossy. She is tiny but it like a rudder on a big ship. She steers the entire family. But we love her so much.

About two weeks ago, she broke my heart. Brad was out of town and she was getting ready for bed (she has a wild burst of energy at bedtime). The out of the blue, she stopped and said "I lub you Mommy" then went on her way. I think this is the first time she said I love you first. It was precious.

Saturday was her first Birthday party (we have just done simple family stuff on the other years). I think it was the first time she really understood what a Birthday was. She went to her friends party a few weeks ago and I think it clicked and she has been obsessed about her Birthday ever since. We do simple for the birthday "like a playdate with a cake". So she had 3 friends come and we had fun. Jack and Kadie rearranged the living room and got out all the tents and tunnels for a bit fort. The little kids loved it.

Birthday Girl

So silly.

Daddy was a big hit when he walked in with the balloons. Issie LOVES balloons.

Issie and Hope (these two were cut from the same mold, so much a like in so many ways)

Blowing out the candle. I made her a slug cake. (tried to make it look like a catapillar for the other kids but she loves slugs so to her it was a slug cake) When it rains here we have soooo many slugs so every morning she likes to count how many slugs are on the sidewalk from the door to the car- her record is 17!

"Bows" from Kadie. Issie gets very attached to stuffed animals so the kids got her several new ones including this one. So sweet.

I think this might be the first real time Issie has opened presents. Up til now she has not shown any interest so we have down played it all. Not now. She is totally into it. We got her Beauty and the Beast and I forgot what a great movie that is. Our whole family has watched a few times since then. Even Jack loves it.

It was a fun day. Issie we love you so much crazy girl.

blessings

2010-10-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

It is early Saturday morning. I was just lying in bed, trying to fall back to sleep with 2 little girls playing puppy and mommy on Daddy's side of the bed. My mind started to quickly go to all the things I should do today. Send this email, order that thing, exercise, clean, make pancakes, and a bunch of other ridiculous expectations that I put on myself. It is like, I forgot all the peace I found last night when I allowed myself to take delight in my blessings and avoid being caught up in all the other stuff that needs to happen. (That word need is pretty subjective these days).

Then the phone rang.

7:15am on Saturday morning and the phone rang. It was our neighbour. A wonderful God loving family moved in to the house right up our hill on Labor Day and was an answer to 5 years of prayers that Jack would find a great friend within walking distance to our home. Connor has been that. He has been an amazing and fun new friend given to us by an awesome God. Well, the phone rings and it is the dad of this family. He tells me their older son has been in the hospital since Wednesday. "Things have been bad" as they thought it was an absess on his spine but now they realized it is a Staph infection in the blood. This does not seem better to me but he said this is better. Anyways, the 2 youngest kids Connor and his sister are coming to spend the day with us so the mom and dad can be at the hospital.

It was like a punch in the stomach. Satan tries (and sadly often succeeds) at keeping me all worked up, moving and doing and thinking ahead. I refuse to let him win. I see everyday how tenuous life is. How we are all here for such a short time. I just do not want to miss anything. I know God has a calling on my life, and I am so excited to be in that with Him. But I can twist it all and lose sight of the beauty around me at any given moment.

Thank you Lord for my family. Our health and all we take for granted every day. Thank you that we can love on and bless this family that has blessed us. I pray for healing for Mason. I pray you use this to shower him with your love, grace and power. I know he needs to feel you in his life right now, I know he has been pulling away. I pray that you pour out all your love and wrap him in your arms. Lord, do this or something better.

We are so blessed.

grateful

2010-10-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days, actually it has been a week of yuck. But on my way home tonight from what was supposed to be a massage (my massage therapist forgot...ugh), I felt reminded of all that I have instead of all that has gone wrong this week. It was one of those days when I got home after the girls were in bed and Jack is at his dad's and all I wanted to do is gather everyone up for a big family hug. Those hugs where you don't let go for a really long time. I feel like those moments are always better in my imagination, since waking everyone up is a really good way to ruin and evening and then I would quickly forget what I was so grateful for. Just kidding.

I am blessed. I have a husband who loves me and SEES me and is my best counselor and usually the sound voice of reason when I feel crazy. I have my boy (trying to be a man) who is so sweet and handsome and has the most tender heart. I have my crazy girl, who makes me laugh and is so loving and forgiving. I have my baby, who is almost not a baby anymore but still says "Mommy I nEEEEED you" and melts my heart with her "tank you mama's". I have my home. I have a God who loves me and is fighting for me and has a plan for me. I have the cute little dog at my feet. I have friends who are so loyal and stand by me like my best cheerleaders and devoted prayer warriors. I am blessed.

All has been crazy. I want to blog but I put this pressure on myself to catch up everything that I have missed before I can start. What a lie. I will put things in, out of order and I will still know what happened. I love you family. I have a hot shower waiting so I must write more later.

Crazy Summer!

2010-08-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that it was Mother's Day when I last updated this blog... ugh! All I can say is that it has been a crazy summer. We have had tons of soccer and mini vacations, a trip to Canada and we started a new business. Run run run. I have been keeping track of what I want to post, what I want to share and what I absolutely want to remember of Summer 2010 but it has not made it hear yet. (Oh well)

Here is a glimpse of our summer days and our sweet family. I will try my best to update the entire summer in the next few weeks- or at least when the kids get back in school.
If you remember, last summer, Issie hated the sand. Well now she absolutely loves it. She calls it her big sand box. When we see a river, a construction site or a picture of waves, she starts yelling "Beach, Beach, I want to go to the Beach". She is entertained for hours with sand.

Kadie girl. Always a beach lover but mostly to chase the waves with daddy. One of her "most favorite things to do". She loves to run in the waves then bury herself with sand to warm up. It is quite the mess.

We took a trip to the Newport Aquarium with Trudy and Rod. The kids loved it. It was a wonderful day. That is Kadie's best shark face.

After dinner and ice cream in Newport. We watched the sea lions and walked along the water.

My blue-eyed girls. Fourth of July with my sweet girls. It was a quiet fun day with friends.

Ok, I feel a bit better. I will post more later, promise!

Mother's Day Weekend

2010-05-09T17:22:00.001-07:00

Brad is out of town this weekend, actually visiting his mom. It just happens to be Mother's Day weekend. I have had a nice weekend with the kids, doing just normal stuff. The weather finally decided to change and it is amazing what 2 days of sunshine can do to all of us. You just do not realize how beautiful and green everything is when it is pouring and freezing everyday. Well the past few days have been lovely. We have taken every opportunity to do stuff outside.

Issie and Mommy at the park on Friday while the big kids were still in school. She is so funny. Really does not want to share the park with others but we are looking at it as opportunities to be nice to others. The sooner she realizes the world does not revolve around her, the better.

We took a trip to Costco, Friday night for my kids favorite dinner. Why do they love to eat at Costco so much? I will never know but it makes life simple when Daddy is gone. Kadie helped me pick out some Mother's Day flowers. Nice to have a reason to fill the house with something pretty.

Saturday, the girls and I went to get our hair done. My girls love to go to Toni's as her little girl apparently has the "best toys ever". Seriously you would think I was telling them we were going to Disney Land when I say they get to go with me to get my hair done. It is a blessing as it always takes awhile to keep this hair blond so it is fun that they love coming. Then we went to Jack's soccer practice, where he was finally invited to be an official member of the team! Hallelujah! Long story, that is sad and thankfully over. Jack brought a buddy home. They all played for a few hours. Then after the girls went to bed, Jack and I stayed up late watching Avatar (bad language but otherwise so cool).

Then we spent today, the actual Mother's Day, going to a lovely church service. Issie looking so cute in her summer dress, trying to do her own shoes. The sunshine was so inviting that we loaded up the wagon for a hike to the mail box. It is a hike.

We came home and had our first of many lunches on the back deck in the sunshine. Made smoothies and the kids sang me mother's day songs. Issie took a nap, the big kids played the wii and I spent several hours updating this blog (a month overdue!). A nice day. Now I am off to make some dinner. I miss you honey, but we are enjoying our time together. Happy Mother's Day to me.

The Tummy Team

2010-05-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it is surprising that I have not posted anything about this until now. My stomach is not something that I would willingly bring up in conversation until the last 6 months. But now it seems to be consuming some of my time and now amazingly has even brought me into a whole new direction in my career. I, like most moms of many, now have a tummy that does not resemble my pre baby tummy in anyway! My stomach seemed to be even more of an issue after I lost Caleb last spring. As most of you know, I show almost the second I conceive. I was very big with Caleb and we only made it to 5 months. Well when we knew we were done having anymore kiddo's I really started to focus on getting back into shape. I started running and working out pretty regularly. I lost some of my preggo body but my tummy still looked pregnant.

Well, I realized why at Thanksgiving of last year. I was diagnosed with Diastasis Recti. What? Well that is the medical term for when the connective tissue in the front of your tummy is stretched so much the your outer abdominal wall separates. Essentially you have nothing holding your organs in and nothing supporting your back when this happens. It makes you look pregnant when you are not. It is the cause of that all too common and very much despised "mommy tummy".

I was then told by many doctors and therapists that my only real fix was plastic surgery and that all my exercise was actually making things worse. The surgery is rarely covered by insurance and is not even very successful in the long run. This was super depressing.

Well, I complained to my girlfriends (because that is what we do). As I complained, I realized that some of my girlfriends had this same issue. They had not been diagnosed either. Long story short. One girlfriend shared with another and another until someone shared that there was a lady named Julie Tupler that does a program for Diastasis Recti. My one friend said she was going to try it, I was skeptical. I am a physical therapist and I had several other physical therapists tell me surgery was the only answer. But I reluctantly looked at her website and I figured I had to give it a try. I could not afford the surgery yet anyway so what did I have to lose?

Well, it was amazing. I lost 2 inches off my waist in the first 4 days and in the first week my back pain was totally gone! I did the 6 week program and lost 5.5 inches total! I feel strong and cannot believe the difference. The best part was, I did it without exercise consuming my life. It is all about rehabilitating your abdominals! Right up my alley with my rehab background. I started talking to everyone about it. I realized this was something that could help so many women!

Then my friend Michelle (thanks again) told me I should go get trained to teach this here in Clark County. I prayed about it and had Brad pray about it and God has said yes, over and over again. So I just got back from NYC where I was personally trained by Julie Tupler, and I have started The Tummy Team! I teach individual classes and group workshops on abdominal rehab to get your body back. It is so fun, so rewarding and such a blessing to be able to help people as I personally know how much this can negatively affect your life.

Look at my new site to get some more information. http://www.thetummyteam.com/ I am setting up community classes that hopefully will start the first week of June! It is funny to think how God can use anything. My stomach was such a sensitive and discouraging issue for me and I can see how clearly God is using that experience for me to reach out and help women with total compassion and encouragement. It is so much more than having a flat tummy, it helps get your life back, your energy, intimacy, confidence and health is all restored. I will keep you all posted on how God uses it.

8 years

2010-05-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

On April 26, 2010 Brad and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary. We did nothing special this year, but it was perfect. We have been busy and it was so nice to be able to to just stay home, put the kids to bed early and spend a quiet evening with my honey. We feel blessed. We have had some rough years, especially those first few, but God has been faithful and merciful. I count my blessings every day. So good to have a man who seeks after the heart of God and still can love me in all my moments. I love you honey.

New York City

2010-05-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I went to NYC for 5 days for a class (more on this to come). I was in the Big Apple all alone, a bit of an adventure for this suburban mamma. I have to say, it is totally amazing and I would never want to live there. The history and culture is so interesting. But it is so loud, everything echoes off the buildings and pavement. People are super helpful and friendly if you need help, but otherwise everyone walks with their own personal space bubble around them. I guess you have to when you live in a city of several million. It was cold the first few days and I went dressed for spring. On my first day, I walked from Lower Manhattan to Central Park. Over 3 miles, but I knew I would pass all kinds of things on the way. It was amazing. I realize how saturated I am in my Christian, country world. Living on a quiet mountain, carting kids here and there. The city seemed cold and so far from God. I was very prayerful on this trip as I was seeking the Lord's leading regarding the class I was there for. So I felt very close to God but was having a hard time seeing Him in the City. But then on my walk, out of the blue, He would show is face. Like this cross, in the middle of buildings, it was like Him telling me, I am hear, you just have to keep your eyes open.

Once I really kept my eyes and heart open, I was able to see amazing things. So much of the City was built long ago when our country was firmly based on our Christian roots, there would be scripture carved into the sides of buildings. And angels on the corners of the architecture. I stayed at an inexpensive place that was run by a urban mission church that ministered to seaman when they were in town. They had prayers posted in the elevator, as the elevator was incredibly slow and they thought this would be a great time to pray in a peaceful moment (and it was).

On my walk to Central Park, I passed the Empire State Building, I did it as a kid and did not want to spend my one full free day waiting in line to go up a rickety elevator and freak myself out over how high up I was, so I just took a snapshot and kept on walking.

I then passed Grand Central Station- so cool! It is amazing how much amazing sites are packed into this city.

Another shot of a "random", and amazing church planted right on Park Avenue. Lots of reminders of that I was not alone in this big cement city, it was such a beautiful time with God. I cannot remember the last time I was off by myself without at least one of my kids or Brad to talk to. It was so different. I really took Jesus with me doing everything, I realize how weird and "Jesus Freak" that might sound but it was really an amazing time, like a 5 day quiet time, so needed in my life.

I finally made it to Central Park. I actually had to stop and buy a jacket as it was raining and cold and I was not going to walk back to my hotel. But I made it. It was a bit ironic. Here I was in this big amazing famous city, with tons of city stuff to do, and I spend my day walking to the one place that reminds me of home. It was so beautiful to see this huge green peaceful park in the middle of all that noise and pavement. These tulips brought tears to my eyes, or maybe it was just how cold I was.... no they were amazing and they were every where. I cannot believe how beautifully kept and manicured this park is. It was by far my favorite place in New York. This would be the reason, I would bring my kids back. So many things to do here.

Looks like a scene right out of a movie, right? You could walk forever and here and there you would have a musician or artist performing. Or you would see a wedding or someone getting pictures done.

This would have been one of my kids favorites, you can rent these little sail boats and remote control them all over this pond. Families were having such a good time, it really made me miss mine. If I had my family, I would have taken the horse drawn carriage through the park, it was just so majestic.

I spent the rest of my day at the Met. I am not a museum girl but this place was incredible! I was tired and cold and it was peaceful and breathtaking. I only spend about 2 hours there and I only saw a small fraction of it all but I was so tired and decided to hail my first cab and get back to the hotel for a hot shower and a long nap.

The next few days were spent in my class. But I got to ride the subway (with my instructor, who so lovingly helped me around the city). And one day of my class was right on Wall Street across from the New York Stock Exchange(below) and the Trinity Church (above). Pretty cool. I had some great Pizza, great bagels and really got a taste of this crazy place.

On my last day, after I took all my tests and passed my demonstration exam, I treated myself to this super yummy Love Martini, it was made with passion fruit and blood orange and had toasted coconut on the rim, oh so good!

At this point, not because of the martini, I was feeling pretty gutsy. I was done studying, done class and had 4 hours until I needed to head for the airport. I took the subway by myself! I first went down to Ground Zero- I really wanted to see it and pray for those families and our country. It was weird, different, I don't really know what I expected. But it was filled with construction workers and it happened to be lunch time so they were everywhere. They are building some sort of memorial, but it was unclear. It was amazing to see and to see how our country was not destroyed by such a horrible act. I had lunch, then being so gutsy, I took another subway up to Time Square, because my crazy friend Melissa told me I had to see it. Well, I saw it. And that was enough. Right out of the subway was this sign for Mary Poppins (my kids love this movie) so I got a picture. Bought a t shirt for Jack and took a quick look around and realized that I now felt done with New York. If you have been there, you know what I mean. I am sure for some people this is fun, but for this small town girl, it was not.

I know I did not get to do all the stuff, like see a show or visit Broadway, or go to the Statue of Liberty. I was short on time, my class was my priority and funds were not over flowing. But I totally felt like I had a great experience. It would be fun to go with my family, but I think Issie would need to be at least 6 and that would make Jack 15, who knows where life will lead us by then? So good to be home, to my mountain and only hearing coyotes at night:)

Family Fun

2010-05-09T14:57:00.001-07:00

While Trudy was here visiting we went back to Great Wolf to celebrate Brad's 40th Birthday a little late. It is one of Brad's favorite places to go. The kids had so much fun, as always. I totally need to find out where to buy those awesome life jackets, Issie learned how to swim all over the place in them this time! Kadie is so brave now. And Jack is a pro. It was fun to have another adult with us so Brad and I could go on some slides together. Great family memories.

Exhausted from the pool, snuggled up watching The Chipmunk's sequel. So sweet.

And of course there is always the concert that we get when family comes. This year it was with the electric guitar. We have moments of real rocking coming out of this boy. He does have a sweet voice. So fun to watch him perform for his family.

The kiddo's (Jack and his Stage Crew) You guys are a blessing to me.

Little Issie is so funny right in the mix.

Easter

2010-05-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

Easter is my favorite holiday, at least I think so. It is all about redemption and the greatest love we could ever imagine. It is the reason we believe, the Resurrection, the ultimate hope. There is much less consumerism involved and seems to be less expectations to counter act in the culture. We often have a beautiful service, then fun with the family and one of my favorite holiday meals. It is simple and wonderful. This year Trudy, Brad's mom, came to stay with us so that was extra special. We had Brad's cousins for dinner and the kids had their traditional string hunt for their baskets. They love the hunt as much if not more than the baskets. It is fun making it a challenge to get to it, they complain and laugh and complain and laugh. We know they love it when we make it hard.

Jack pot, Kadie was so happy with the new set of Magic Tree House Audio books and Issie has her new leap frog video. (so she can start blending her sounds for reading- she is a nut at 2 1/2)

Jack was happy with the new Cold Play CD and a new soccer ball. Very little candy this year and no one even noticed, yipee!

Kadie's Easter Sunday Dress, she has tears in her eyes because she needed to take it off as we were headed outside. Such a girlie girl.

Issie in her Easter Dress. I have 7 pictures of her screaming and only one with here not so this is the best I can do. She looked so sweet, just did not want me to take a picture!

Egg masterpieces- just before we made them into Angel Eggs.

Our precious family. So much to be grateful for. Jack almost 11, Kadie 6 1/2, and Issie 2 1/2.

Somehow, we have no pictures of Trudy! She has a habit of dodging the camera, we need to be more diligent next time :).

Happy Birthday Grandma Mary!!

2010-04-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

My mom turns 60 today, a milestone! When I thought about what to do for you mom, I wanted to do something special. Something I knew you would love, and not just something in the mail. We live too far away and I know your heart aches for your grandbabies. So me and the kids put together a little video show to share with you. Each one picked what they wanted to share. Jack wanted to play and sing, which is totally his thing. He did want me to tell you that "happy birthday" was not his first choice of songs to play but it was appropriate. And to be honest, I think he is a bit too nervous to belt out Tom Petty or U2 to be posted on the blog. But he did great. Kadie wanted to share her gymnastics moves, which is her thing. She was too scared to talk so that is why she is just blindly staring at the camera. Pretty cute. I am sure that will remind you of me at that age. I remember doing handstands on the couch and cartwheels through the dining room constantly. Then there is Issie. She was a stinker and really was like torture getting her to participate at all. She is so independent. She has taught herself her letter sounds now and is constantly practicing. She is going to give Kadie a run for her money on reading. Anyway, if she sees me with the camera she wants to watch the screen so that is why I was a bit sneaky and you cannot see her face straight on. I did need to do many many takes but I finally got the whole alphabet. It is funny we practiced her saying "Happy Birthday Grandma Mary" all night last night and she was hilarious, happy, jumping around with her sweet little sing song voice (of course I was without the camera). Then this morning, every time we said it she yelled "no", "no happy birthday to YOU!" So you get what you get and don't throw a fit. (a motto of our family- from the preschool years). I love you mom. I hope you have a great birthday and enjoy being 60 years YOUNG!

Bedtime Shenanigans

2010-03-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

Well you can tell Issie is feeling better when she is back to her bedtime shenanigans. Something bizaar happens at bedtime, it starts right after prayers and right around singing time. Issie gets some wild fire energy spurt that turns into a little baby hanging from the side of the bed upside down doing stunts well after both her brother and sister has fallen asleep. We do the back to bed thing from Super Nanny but she is so resistant and happy go lucky playful that it seems relatively ineffective to actually get her to go to sleep. It does get her back to bed though, but only for another round of bouncing or climbing or dancing with her stuffies. Thankfully Kadie has learned to ignore her (I have no idea how) and fall asleep in the midst of all the craziness. It is good that she is feeling better. I know this is a battle of the wills to some extent and possibly a night owl personality in the mix too. She is winning the will thing however.

Sick Babies

2010-03-22T23:21:00.000-07:00

I know it is so sad when they are sick. I do not enjoy vomit in my hair or down my back or everywhere else for that matter. Issie had the stomach flu this weekend. It was sad. She seemed totally fine, laughing and jumping around then out of no where, she started throwing up. She seemed shocked by the whole thing. Then fine, asking for breakfast. Silly mommy gave her some. Then she decided she did not want it but just wanted to snuggle and whine. I choose to cherish this moment. I hate them sick but I love the time when only mommy can make it better, the suction cup hug and the feverish sleeping on your chest. Until the whine turns into more puke, this time down my shirt and in my lap. She was so sad in the shower getting clean, only to throw up again walking in the hall. Then slipping in it and throwing up some more..... poor thing really had no idea what was happening. She took a good nap, and we started to really limited her intake and now seems better. Rough weekend. Mom was next.

Brad turns 40!

2010-03-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

Today was Brad's birthday! He turned 40. I made many plans to have a great celebration and each plan did not work out. We have a joke in our family called the "week of Brad". Brad used to have so many things he wanted to do that he would say, "we could do that for my birthday" that it just turned in to a week of celebration. It was fun.
We don't do that anymore, not for any reason other than it is just not as big a deal I guess. But this year, I wanted to make it a big deal. He is forty after all. We started out with a big party but all of his best guy friends could not make it this weekend (or last weekend, or the next 2 weekends for that matter). So we ditched that idea. Then we thought we would go to the beach with his mom and Rod but his boss would not let him off work since there is already someone on his team off till April. So that plan was dropped. Then we thought of a poker night, but no guys in town. So we thought we would go hiking, but then Issie started puking and puked all day on Saturday. It rained Sunday. So we decided just to do a date night instead. Well then I came down with the puking Issie had and we had to cancel that. So Happy Birthday Brad. You got to spend your big day taking care of 2 puking girls, so fun.

We do love you. You are a great man, a wonderful husband and the best father. I love my life with you. I love growing older with you. I decided to pick some pictures that I liked to share a bit of you with everyone out there.

I love this picture of you with the kids at Pacific Beach last summer. It was rainy and cold but you would never miss a chance to play in the waves and look for creatures. The kids love that about you. You are the fun one. You are the playful one. You are the one who can totally lose track of time, playing a game and just spending time with the kids.

I love this picture of you with Kadie. I think she was hurt or cold or something and wanted her Daddy. She loves you so much. You are a good daddy.

Here is one with you and Issie, the wild child on the hike. I think she has your adventurous spirit. I love that you nurture that and let them be who they are.

Me and you. Thanks for taking care of me, not just today but all of the time. You are my prince charming. I love who you are and who God is growing you to be. Happy Birthday!

Girlfriends Weekend at the Beach!

2010-03-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

This post is over due! For the second year me and my 4 girlfriends went to the beach for the weekend. This year we were kid free and I was not pregnant, to big changes. We go for my friends Melody's birthday, but also just to get away and have uninterrupted girl time. This year we stayed a super pretty beach house in Lincoln City so we stopped at the outlets on the way down for a little shopping too. We spent most of our time at the house, lounging around, enjoying our company and relaxing. A fun time to get away.

From Left to Right, Melody, Marnee, Kristi, Michelle and Me.

Sunset walk on the beach- it was beautiful.

We live in such a beautiful place. What a blessing to be surrounded by such beauty, in relationships and scenery.

Hiking Beacon Rock

2010-03-02T12:22:00.001-08:00

Sunday was a beautiful day and we have been wanting to start hiking as a family when the weather is nice. It would be nice to go once a week, so hopefully that will work out. Issie is finally at the age when we could go together and she is so independent that she wants to walk most of the time. It does make everything go at a 2 year old pace but it is a start. We live in such a beatiful area that it is like an adventure each week. Plus it is nice to look at things that we can embrace with the kids getting bigger since there is always that temptation to dwell in the sadness of them growing up. It was good thing to do the week we took the crib down and started packing up the nursery.
My family, so cute to see them taking off, and Issie smiling over Daddy's shoulder on the way. I just love these guys. What a blessing they are to me.

Issie determined to do it herself even on the rough terrain, so funny.

Happy girl with her Daddy.

Kadie was all about the "short cuts", trying to cut corners and find secret ways to get ahead of us.

Me and Issie, pulling up the caboose. Jack was not really understanding why we were so slow, we offered to let him walk with or carry Issie and see how fast he would go but he was not interested.

UP and Up and Up we go, it was such an amazing day, really feeling like spring here. So nice.

Had to put this one in, our little nut. She loves this smile, Kadie used to do the same thing. She certainly has no fear of heights or anything else for that matter. We had to keep a hand on her at all times. Brad actually brought a rope in case we needed a leash but she stayed close. That would have been a sight.

Sweet boy, at the top. It was good lesson in patience for Jack as he probably could have climbed the rock in half the time. But he had a good attitude about it. The sunshine sure helped.
Our family. What a nice day. Hopefully we will do more and more of this all spring and summer.

Every day stuff.

2010-03-02T12:03:00.001-08:00

Always lots going on around here. Jack continues his cooking lessons and we are trying to get to the point that he cooks dinner on Thursdays but we are not there yet. He learned how to make burritos last week. Including fresh salsa, and guacamole. The beef was a bit crispy but that was likely because I had him multi-tasking too much. It was really good. One of his favorite things to eat so it was a good one for him to learn. It is good for me too, he wants me to write down instructions for everything so he can try to follow the recipe without my help. I realize how much I just cook stuff without thinking. I have never really written down how to brown ground beef or how to cut an avocado. It was fun though, he even took the initiative to clean up the entire kitchen after dinner, this was a huge thing for him since we usually have to nag and nag to get it all done. I think American Idol being on may have been a big motivator too.

It is hard to get any pictures of Jack since he is in that stage where it is totally not cool to pose for mom. So when I catch a shot where he is not givign me some snarky look, I need to share it. I love this boy.

Issie got her first official haircut last week. I have been trimming her bangs for a while and at times it really has looked awful. She has had a full on mullet and it is embarrassing. So I finally had my hairdresser fix in right. She was incredibly still and obedient. She loves being the big girl. So independent.

The update on the transition to bed: it only took 2 nights to get her to stay in bed, amazing! She is still often the last to fall to sleep but she just lays quietly there playing with her hands until the wee hours of the night. So cute. We moved her to her bed for naps too later that week and she has done great. Sleeping 3 hours and going right to sleep almost every time. Our issue now is how to keep her in bed beyond 6am! She is an early riser and we used to just keep her in her crib and she would play or fall back to sleep. But now she is up and running. Kadie is up right with her and soon they are fighting and then Jack is mad since he actually likes to sleep past 6:15am. Let me tell you it is not the wake up call you want every morning. I will take any suggestions on this one. Kadie was trained early to stay in her room until the clock said 7 but Issie is younger and when one of them wake up everyone is up. Baby steps.

Kadie and her best little friend Rylie. We have small group together so these girls play every week and just love each other. They decided to coordinate their outfits so they looked like twins. It was so cute, calling back and forth to decide on jeans and what color socks, so funny.

Re organization and Bunk Beds!

2010-02-16T20:10:00.001-08:00

We have been doing a ton of transitioning and reorganizing and purging as our kids move into the next stages. We put up bunk beds and have been slowly transitioning Issie to a big girl bed, using the Super Nanny stay in bed method. She does not stay in bed, well she stays in bed but jumps around and hangs from the bars and whispers constantly which is completely distracting to Kadie. But it is a transition and as much as I want it to be easy, I understand that is the wrong expectation. The crib is still in her room for back up and for naps, I am totally not ready to tackle naps in the big girl bed.
Kadie loves the top bunk, but we did have to remove the blades on her ceiling fan so we did not have fatal injury. She is a monkey and climbs up without a ladder since we are not ready for Issie to venture up there yet. Good old IKEA, nice simple bed for a fraction of the price else where. It is not as cute as her other bed but it will work for the time being.

Issie, very excited, looks like she is saying "peace out". She ended up in her crib the first night, we were too tired and forgot to read the super nanny section on this as it has been a while since we have had to deal with it. The second night she went to bed at 7:15 and fell asleep at 9:30- about 30 min after Kadie. We are now on the third night and she went to bed at 7pm and it is 8:21 now and she is still flopping around on her bed. When I go in to lay her down she does this cute thing where she puts her hands over her eyes, thinking if she cannot see me then I cannot see her. Not really working well for her.
Had to take a picture as this room will likely not be this clean for long. My little girl is a pack rat and has an interesting way of organizing that does not really allow us to find anything.

Sisters

We reorganized both the kids closets, it looks great and every thing is easy to access.

Jack's closet too.

This is phase one of the loft. I have a before picture but it is awful so I just want to focus on the now. I will post more when we get the desk in. Busy weekend, but feels good to get organized and get rid of all the stuff we do not use or need. Off to get my toddler back in bed.....

Ages and Stages- Issie

2010-02-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

Issie is 2 years old and a few months, and she is really something. She is definitely our most strong willed kiddo. She absolutely knows what she wants, although it does change moment by moment and often I am the only member of the family that is fully fluent in Issie talk to figure out what she really wants. She can say a lot and she will repeat ANYTHING you say, so you really need to be careful, but she has such seemingly random thoughts that you really need to spend the time with her to see what she is talking about.

She is are mathematician, she likes order and sorts things and has pairs of things or things she things should be paired together all over the house. She is likely our overachiever, she taught herself her ABC's using her sisters Barbie computer and she is constantly practicing picking out letters on signs and magazines. She is now teaching herself the sounds. I say teaching herself because she does not want help, she just uses little technology games we have had for Kadie and Jack and sits in a corner and practices. She is also potty training herself. She goes to the bathroom for all diaper changes and likes to sit there forever, only occasionally does she go in the potty but she is not open for suggestions on how this should proceed. It is really quite funny.

I know it probably sounds like we let her just dominate the family, we really try not to, but honestly it does happen at times. But usually her desires or plan are perfectly acceptable, just different from what our plans may have been to do the same thing.

She is still tiny. She has yet to gain a full pound in about a year. She does not seem underweight looking at her with her peers and she is not super skinning or boney, she is just a lightweight. She has been 25 pounds since she was 16 months old. She was running around the house with this little vest from Kadie's Paci Bear ( a build a bear outfit!) and crying because she wanted it on. I kept telling her, you are too big, it won't fit, you are too big. Then to prove it to her I tried to put it on her, and lo and behold she was not too big and it did fit, well kinda. She reminded me of one of the village people, she wore it til bedtime. So funny.

She has had some food and skin issues but we took her to a specialist and we are in the process of treating her for yeast and several food intolerances and it is really amazing how much of her attitude and "meanness" appears to be related to her food issues. She is so much happier and although she does not like other little kids coming up to her and trying to touch her in any way, she is considerably more friendly and if she initiates the move she will hug just about anyone. It is good to know she is feeling better and nice to see she can be sweet to people outside of the immediate family.
I decided to try to find some panties for her, trying to put my own thoughts in this potty training process. It is very hard to find tiny panties. She was obsessed with them, but they could not go on her bottom. She wore all three pairs at once, two over her diaper and one on her head. This is how she spent her day, saying "yeah!!! Issies panties!!!"
The funniest thing about her little potty training efforts is that she prefers to read Better Homes and Garden magazines over her board books. It is really hilarious. She is looking for letters she can spot. She has 2 issues that she likes the best and she will spend 15 min or more browsing them. Brad really thought this was sad, so I spent several days, convincing her to read her books so now she will look at Clifford or Bible Songs but I still think she would rather the magazine.

Issie is at that fun stage where she squeals with delight when you first come home.... "Daddy, daddy, daddy..." and runs to give you a hug. She loves to snuggle in our bed, although we both realize this is the ultimate stalling technique before bedtime and naptime. She love oatmeal and would eat it for every meal if we let her. She still loves for me to snuggle her before bed and she now sings along to her "Isabella" song. So sweet.

We are about to transition her up to Kadie's room. We are in the market for bunk beds as I type. She seems ready, although I may keep the crib available for naps, not sure about that one. I am so excited for her and Kadie can not wait. But I am totally grieving the finality of the nursery. No more babies, no more crib, and no more nursery. I really loved creating her nursery and it will be so sad to change it back to the guest room. But you just cannot keep them from growing up.

Love you Issie Bee.

Ages and Stages- Kadie Girl

2010-02-12T20:10:00.000-08:00

Kadie is six and it is a hard age. Seriously, I feel like I say every age is a hard age. The truth is every age has its blessings and challenges. Kadie is in Kindergarten and she is very smart. She is not very motivated however, which is OK, I do not need her to be an overachiever but it is hard to understand how she views the world at times. She is sweet, and super creative. Her imagination is incredible and at times reality and imagination overlap and cause quite the conflict. But in most situations she seems to be a drifter. She usually is just happy to go with the flow. She has her opinions and preferences but she is a follower and content to be most of the time. She is also a pleaser, she likes to make people happy. You can see where some of these qualities may lead her to easy peer pressure and moral ambiguity. She has a super strong love for the Lord and she really has an advanced awareness of spiritual warfare, she does know right from wrong she just has a stronger desire to have people happy and have people like her. When she chooses poorly, she often will tell us the "devil made her do it". It is hard not to laugh, but she is so sincere in her explanation that it is hard to argue.

Kadie is funny, and she can make us all laugh by saying the most hilarious things. She knows she is funny but I don't think she really knows how to be funny. She just thinks about things in a funny way. I wish I had an example, I will think about it and post it later. She is super tough too, she loves to wrestle and play ball and tag with Jack, she is crazy really. She is also very dramatic, as I have said before, she feels things very strongly. She can be very mad, very angry, very excited, very forgiving, and very happy in the same 20 minutes. It really keeps you on your toes.
Kadie at school with her new sunglasses. After she got her sunglasses we walked out into the cloudy, rainy weather and she says in a matter of fact voice, "now if we could just buy some sunshine". She is a nut.

Kadie is the middle child but at times she is the big sister. There are many times due to Jack going to his dad's house that Kadie is the oldest. She LOVES to take care of Issie. It is a bit smothering at times. She so wants to do everything for her and control her every move and choice (probably what Jack does for her and she does not mind), but Issie is way too independent for that. And it quickly becomes a battle. We are constantly asking her to listen to her sister the first several times and she would not get punched in the face but I am beginning to think that the natural consequences of not listening to a 2 year old when she is yelling to stop is getting hit in the face. Eventually she will learn, I hope. She does take good care of her and Issie loves her a lot, most of the time.

Kadie and Issie, cleaning my floors as Brad drags them up and down the hallway for fun. they just love this stuff. If I had to pick one thing that I most admire about Kadie Girl, I would have to say that she is very forgiving. She does feel things very strongly and her feelings get hurt and she really wants people to be nice to her, but she is so quick to forgive and so sincere in her forgiveness that it is really a blessing. She feels her pain then forgives and moves on. If only we all could do that. I love you Kadie Girl.

Ages and Stages- Jack

2010-01-27T14:15:00.000-08:00

It seems like forever since I have posted about the kiddos, they are all into so much right now and if I don't documented it I feel like it will be lost in the dark hole of my memory. I never seem to have enough time to write these days so I thought I would break it up and just update one kid at a time.

Starting with Jack, it is funny because I could not find any recent pictures of Jack. This explains partly the stage he is in. He cannot be bothered to pose for a picture and when he does he wants it to be some action move that comes out blurry or some funny face that I end up deleting since it ruins the picture. Or if I do get him to pose it is with attitude or solemness, so if I am lucky I catch a quick picture when he is enjoying life and unsuspecting. Like at the beach.

Jack is 10 and a half, turning 11 in May. He is growing up fast and we are already in the beginning turmoil of adolescence. He is moody and feels like he deserves a detailed explanation for every decision we make. He questions our logic and tries to negotiate a more "sensible" plan. He has burst of anger that when I just let him express it, he recovers from in very short time. But if I try to tell him it is not ok to feel how he is feeling, we are in for a battle. I have a lot to learn about giving him the independence to feel his feelings and to not make it about me all the time. He has a strong sense of right and wrong and justice. It takes him some time to forgive but if he is allowed to express himself fully, he forgives quickly. He is in a stage of really trying to know what and who he can trust. His dad is remarrying this spring and it is creating a lot of uncertainty and transition for him. He has done some serious soul searching recently... about what he believes and accepting the fact that some people just choose not to believe in Jesus or even in God. This was super hard for him to understand. Super hard to accept that when people are told the Truth, that they may choose to reject it, super hard to fully understand the consequences of that rejection. He wants to rescue people, especially people he loves, or he wants to reject the Truth, thinking that would eliminate the consequences. He has really been wrestling with it all, especially since the girl that his dad is marrying is rejecting God. But he has finally come to a place of acceptance and understanding. It is still a battle but it has been good to watch him make his own investigation (reading Case for Christ) and asking the hard questions. A lot of growth.

He is suddenly obsessed with football and has a football in his hands constantly, doing all kinds of imaginary plays in the living room and in the hallway. He plays football at every recess with his buddies at school and he loves the Vikings-totally bummed they missed the Super Bowl. He is even having his own Super Bowl party. Soccer is what he plays right now and he loves it but is pushing hard for football. I am struggling due to the injury rate in the sport especially at his age and because I love to see him play soccer but we are still trying to figure it all out.

He continues to love music and has been writing and recording new songs on this software he got for Christmas. He has such an ear for music that he can pick up most songs on his guitar from just hearing it a few times and has really learned the power of practice. His voice is sweet and he has such passionate lyrics that you know those thoughts run deep.

This is a fun age, I can talk with him, most of the time and he can reason and understand things at a whole new level. He is inquisitive and wants to understand things. We have just started to teach him to cook, and he just loves the independence. Instead of just doing chores we are focusing on training him to do what he will need to do as a man and the provider of his family. When we focus on it like that, he is totally willing to do it and do his best. He really wants to be strong and responsible. I just love him.

He also has kept his strong sense of humor. He is sassy and sarcastic but has a great belly laugh. He still loves to lie in bed and talk and pray with me at night, and I cherish it. He still loves for Brad to tickle his back and play catch. He reads to his sisters and plays monkey in the middle. He helps Issie get ready to go and she follows him around the house. He is really the best big brother and these girls just love him.

This is an age to keep me on my toes, to understand the purpose behind what we are doing and to be diligent in what is really important and learn to let go of all the things that really don't matter. To enforce respect but allow independence and emotions. To encourage him to be who God made him, not who we thought he should be or what we want because we think it is best. I have to constantly remind myself that he is a gift but not my creation. He is a reflection of God not of me. Ouch, how self serving we can become.

I do love him so. He makes me laugh, he drives me nuts, he warms my heart. Bless you boy.

38

2010-01-24T13:54:00.001-08:00

Friday was my birthday. 38. For several reasons, I feel significantly older than last year. Not just a year older but many years older. Not really in a bad way. I just feel like this past year has grown me more than the average year. Some was having Caleb leave early for heaven. But that was not all of it. I think part of it might be just really moving out of the having babies stage and into the raising the family phase. Some of it is my son moving so fast towards his teenage years, some of it is giving away all our baby stuff. A lot of it is my journey with God and learning to trust Him more and more. The uncertainty of our days and the reality of how nothing is really within our control except our desire to trust God and have faith in His faithfulness has really hit home this year. It has been a great year, I would not trade it for an easier one but I feel like it lasted more like 5 years.

For the 5th year now, I had my girlfriend birthday dinner. I really look forward to this night. I love to cook and really love to just be home hanging out on the couch with some good girlfriends. So I had fun making a yummy dinner. This year we had Filet Migneon, so good. I always need the chocolate too so I created a new yummy dessert this year, which was far to rich to have at 9pm and kept most of us up all night. We enjoyed the dinner, laughed, cried, shared our lives and really loved each other. Most of the girls left at midnight, but Mel and I talked to nearly 2am. It was wonderful..... until the next morning when Jack had a 8am soccer game, ugh.

My girls- Melody, Marnee, Me, Kristi and Michelle.

My late night girl :)

Rich chocolate cups.... I made the chocolate cups then, filled them with layers of chocolate ganache, Giradelli fudge brownies, fresh strawberries puree, and whipped cream. So good!

Chocolate covered strawberries too, of course.

The next day after a nap and some recover, the family celebrated my birthday with a dinner out (no clean up) and presents and chocolate at home. I am super excited that Brad got me my new food processor- yipee! I broke mine a few months ago and have been using this tiny chopper and it sucked. I LOVE my new one, it does everything and I needed something bigger so my salsa did not explode out the sides. Thanks honey. I also got a Bread Machine from Trudy (Brad's mom) and his cousin. I am super excited to try that too.

Me and my honey.

The clan. Bunch of blondies. Lucky to get Issie to look at the camera when chocolate is involved. She is a chocolate lover!

It was a nice birthday, I am interested to see what this year has to offer.

Kid-free Weekend.... Yipee!

2010-01-18T19:39:00.001-08:00

It is sad to say that Brad and I have not had a night away together since Issie was born over 2 years ago. We have both gone places and do things, we have had lots of dates but not really away. So for Christmas, I planned a weekend away for us. I did not want to go far, or plan anything, I just really wanted us to be together, kid-free! So we went to the Marriott on the waterfront in downtown Portland last Friday and Saturday night. I cannot tell you how much we needed this trip. No diapers, no crying, no fits, no sibling bickering, no wake up calls at 6am, no responsibilities at all. It was lovely. I slept in til 9:30 both mornings, which is huge! We walked on 23rd street and went in all the stores that are a nightmare to bring kids to. We had steak and got yummy blood orange martinis. We watched movies in bed (we don't have a tv in our bedroom so this is a luxury). We took naps and just lounged around. We went to the pool and actually both got to sit in the hot tub at the same time, just imagine that! We were together and it was wonderful.
My honey, refreshed and rested and ready to do nothing or anything. What freedom.

We had very yummy food and tried a different martini at every restaurant. I am not a huge drinker but I like a cocktail now and then, especially when we do not need to drive and do not have anybody or thing to take care of. My favorite was the blood orange martini at Joe's on 23rd street. Close runner up was the fresh berry martini at Ruth Christ downtown.
The view from our bedroom window. Even though we were only 15 min from home it felt like a real get-a-way. It was funny how by breakfast on Saturday we were already missing the kids. It was so nice to be just us but we quickly realized what a hole would be in our lives if we did not have some little people to come home to. Issie did really well while we were gone but had me hold her for almost the next 24 hours straight after we returned home. She is in a clingy stage anyway so this really pushed her. Kadie did seem to miss us at all. And Jack was happy to be at his dads most of the weekend since it was such a big football weekend and that is what they love to do. They were in good hands, and we were so blessed to get away and even more blessed to have them to come home too. I guarantee it will not be another 2 years before we do that again!

I have a new job....

2010-01-11T21:08:00.000-08:00

well that is what it feels like. I have finally taken the plung to really start eliminating processed foods and toxins from our diet and our home. Many things have led to this season, and after much resistance and denial, here I am. I feel ready but change is hard on all of us. I have had tremendous help and support from my dear friends that have begun this journey ahead of me. But it is still hard. I am not all organic, and don't expect to be able to afford that anytime soon but I am leaning toward more whole foods and more power foods. I am also limiting refined grains and sugars. Yes this means cereal, which for anyone who knows me, knows this is a big one.

Brad has been super supportive, the kids much more reluctant. I had to describe it to Brad as a new job so he could understand the depth of this change. I love effeciency, I love structure and organization ( I think I am the only one in my family who embraces this so you may not see it much in my household, but it is in my heart). Right now, I have been changing our meals, our recipes, the stores I shop, the foods I pick, the things I pack in lunches, I have been baking more, cooking differently, changing my cleaning products and dealing the the emotional reactions of everyone who is greiving the loss of something in our household. It is exhausting. Everyone told me baby steps but that is difficult, once you really understand what you are eating and how it is messing with your chemistry and your health it is hard to just keep eating it.

So I would love prayer as I try to balance this all out. The kids need prayer too as change is hard on them too. I am embracing a healthier and more energetic future. Everyone will adjust but change is hard.

Paci Puppy!

2009-12-26T23:36:00.001-08:00

Somehow my crazy husband convinced me that it was time to take away the Paci from Issie on Christmas Eve. Mama is not ready! The logic behind it, according to Brad, is Mama will never be ready (true) and he will be home for 4 days so this would be the time to do it together. So I surrendered, very reluctantly, I surrendered. The reality of the matter is she is not terribly addicted to it, not like Kadie was. She only has it for nap and bedtime, but it makes putting her down simple, and I am not ready for crying and hysteria (are you ever really ready for that?). But it makes sense to do it sooner and while we still have her in a crib so she has time to figure out how to put herself to sleep without it before we move her to a bed in Kadie's room. So we did it. Nap was non existant on Christmas eve, even though she watched us throw away the paci's she still just cried and cried. She does this pathetic thing when she is distraught... she calls "Paci.... Paci..... Where arrrrreeee yooouuu?" It is so sad and so cute at the same time. Needless to say after 2 hours of wailing we got her up to go to Christmas eve service and then brought her home and she finally passed out for a little bit then totally crashed to go down for the night. Christmas day was worse.. she was hysterical at nap time. And we had company, all of whom were Grandparents and totally understood but still after a few hours of that we pulled her out of her crib. Again she crashed a bedtime with only a few minutes of tears. I am thinking, I am totally not ready to sacrifice nap time. So today we took her to Build a Bear as we did with Kadie to make a Paci Bear. Kadie was older and had a better understanding but we still thought maybe if we replaced the paci with a paci bear it would eventually help.

Daddy walking the girls through the mall, so cute. Kadie is totally grieving the loss of Issie's paci with her. "It's like it was yesterday for her", she tells me. "I just cannot bear to think about it" she says.

Issie has no idea what this is all about but everyone seems excited so she is excited too.

She immediately picked a puppy. So it will be Paci Puppy. This will actually make things less confusing between Kadie's Paci Bear and Issie's Paci Puppy. Again with the cute little half smile.

Before the stuffing.

Well, she saw the paci for the first time in 2 rough days and she had to have one last suck. Brad could barely pull it out of her mouth and she was very upset that we stuck it in that dog.

But now she is over it and fluffing her up.

Such a big girl with her Paci Puppy. Hopefully she won't tear it apart in her crib searching for the Paci. We did have a minor victory today. She actually surrendered for her nap after an hour and a half of screaming and indignation. She slept 2 hours and would have slept longer if we let her. Yipee! Then only 20 min of crying at bedtime. Progress! I am hoping by the end of the week she is back to her normal routine. Please pray for that, for both her and me.

Christmas Morning 2009!

2009-12-26T22:55:00.001-08:00

Christmas morning started with a spark, literally. Brad got a call from work at 5:35am and since the kids have been trained to not come down until 7, Jack woke up and attempted to stay quietly in his room. He decided to read but did not want his light to be too bright and was too tired to get up and close his door, so he decided to put his wool hat over his bedside lamp to mute out the light. Shortly after making this decision, I hear a calm whisper at my door saying, "mom, I think there might be fire in my room". Half asleep and confused by how calmly he was telling me these words I did not really spring into action. I stumbled up stairs and started to smell a horrible chemical smell and as I started sprinting all I could think is please do not let the fire alarm go off. Not "please do not let my house burn down", no it was "please do not let the annoying, freak the girls out and make them scream bloody murder fire alarm go off". His lamp was melting into itself and dark toxic smoke was pouring out of it. Clearly, Jack was not thinking clearly either as he did not think to turn off the light. So I turned it off and opened all of his window, turned on the fan, closed his door, not that this would stop the fire alarm if it was meant to be but I was desperate, and droggy. Thankfully no harm was done, except for the smell. The girls continued to sleep til 7 and the house remained quiet and unharmed. It will be a Christmas morning I will never forget.

Kadie, looking sleepy but ready for candy!

Jack, all smiles on Christmas morning.

This picture cracks me up. It is just the true crazy excitement of opening way more presents than anyone truly needs. They are so funny.

Jack is obsessed with football and the Vikings are his favorite. Adrien Peterson especially so this was a fun gift to get. His big gift was the Music Maker software and microphone which allows him to record several tracks of vocals and instruments to be able to make his own complete songs and then burn them to CD's. He is having so much fun with it. He can be the lead singer and do the back up vocals too.

Kadie, wearing her fun hat the Grandma Dauna made and opening one of many my little pony's. Her big gift was a Pet shop house with a new set of pet shop animals. Little girls are easy to shop for. She played all day with her imagination and all her new little bity toys. So fun to watch her with her creative imagination.

My gift to Brad, you cannot read it but it was a total gift from my heart. A friend emailed me an embroidered tapestry called House Rules that listed a bunch of scripture beneath it. I loved this idea but I wanted it to be the scriptures that we as a couple and as a family really have clung to over the last few years. So I titled it The Word we live by and listed 10 of the most meaningful things we are trying to uphold in our lives and with our kids. Like Be Humble, or Choose to Love, or Carry each others burdens, etc. Then I tried to narrow down one or two verses that really spoke that truth. It was an incredible project and bible study for me, a gift within the gift. It was so hard to not just make 2 frames, hard to narrow it down, amazing how many scriptures just jumped out at me. I am so glad I did not just copy the one I was sent but that I created the one that had personal meaning to us. Brad appreciated it but I think I might actually love it more. But it will be a gift to continually bless our family.

Jack's self portrait with a mouth full of muffin.

Mama with her baby.

Kadie already playing Pet Shop. I got her new scissors in her stocking which turned out to be the best thing since she wanted them to open all of her gifts herself. Some of those boxes and packaging are awful but she just loved doing it all by herself. Another gift inside a gift.

This is my favorite picture of the morning! Issie just this day decided she was going to start "smiling" for the pictures. This is her picture smile! I just laughed and laughed. She is really transitioning out of her mean and bossy stage and is so lovable. I just love this little picture of her sideways smile. What a sweetie.

Playing peek a boo with Lucy on the couch.

Issie just loves this hat from Grandma Dauna. She put it on and wore it most of the day even though we never went outside. I am so happy, since she has had a few months of refusing to wear hats. She got some bracelets for Christmas and she is back to her little accessory loving self. She got a little Einstiens computer toy and really amazes us at how much she really knows. She actually knows a bunch of her letters and is not just hitting the right button by accident. It is truly amazing how fast they can learn, little sponges.

Playing Pet Shop in the hat.

Watching cartoons in the hat.

Me and my honey. What a blessing to have each other for Christmas. We had a quiet day with a few friends up for dinner and we really enjoyed the simplicity of it all. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

My Girlfriends Christmas Party

2009-12-26T22:40:00.001-08:00

My girlfriends had a fun Christmas party with our families and Mel's house. It was a bit crazy with the sheer number of offspring we all now have but it all worked out and it was so fun and such a comfortable group of people to spend the season with. Our husbands were being nuts when we had this picture taken so it is really a miracle that we are all even looking at the same camera.

Top to bottom, left to right... Marnee (the encourager), Kelly (Me), Kristi (the life of the party), Melody (the organizer) and Michelle (the stabilizer). Among other wonderful attributes of course. These ladies are a complete blessing to my life.

The Men.... Dave (Mel's), Brad (Mine), Chad( Marnee's), Nick (Kristi's) and missing Nello (Michelle's). Nello was on a business trip :(.

The Offspring! Left to right, top to bottom ..... Kadie, Marcus, Jake, Wade. Benjamin, Maia, Hailey, Hope, Makenna, Amelia, Jack, Landon and Isabella. What a crew!

School Christmas Choir

2009-12-26T22:26:00.000-08:00

Jack and Kadie's school has a simple little school choir performance every year for Christmas. Jack sings in the choir and Kadie sings with her little Kindergarten class. It is sweet and a bit exhausting keeping Issie contained for about an hour and a half on bleachers. But they are so excited to have us there and to sing for us, you just cannot miss it.

Sitting on the risers before the performance. Kadie is so excited to sit beside her big brother, the cool 5th grader. And Jack is too cool for school. Typical.

Apparently, Kadie's Kindergarten class was in the middle of learning about Christmas in Mexico so they had them sing the Mexican Hat Dance, it was not Christmasy at all but it did make me laugh. Kadie is in the turquoise ensemble just on the other side of the music stand.

Jack's choir. He has a beautiful voice and a pure love for singing.

Such a good big brother. The girls really love him.

Again with the attitude.

Issie Bee with her little magnetic Nativity obsession. She just loves playing with this and we will be lucky to have all the pieces still intact by the time Christmas rolls around.

Thanksgiving in Albuquerque.

2009-12-26T22:08:00.001-08:00

Once again we did the long road trip to New Mexico to share Thanksgiving with Brad's family. His sister lives in Knoxville, TN. We both are about 24 hours of driving away from Albuquerque so we meet there at their mom's house and it is always fun. I spent 4 years of college there and Brad grew up there so we have lots of places we want to eat and visit and the kids get to play with their cousins whom they just adore. This year my mom and her husband Al flew in from Florida to spend it with us all too. In all I think there were 35 people for dinner! And it was one of the best meals I have ever had. Great family memories.

Silly Issie playing with her new legos. It takes her a while to warm up to people so it is hard on family that just want to scoop her up and love on her. She is very independent and specific about what she likes and dislikes. But we spent a week there so by the end she was all hugs and kisses. She became very territorial. It was "my granma tutu" and "my aunt yoyo". It is always funny that my kids call Grandpa Al, "Grandpa Owl", they have a hard time saying Al. It cracks me up.

Laura, Brad's sister, helping the girls make the cresants, it was so sweet for Kadie to have two big girls to look up to. Sydney is 12 and Lynsey is 9. I just love those girls.

The cousins played great. Jack was the only boy but he convinced them to play football most of the time, or soccer, or chess. They all just love each other and it always makes me and Laura sad that they don't live closer together. That would be great!

Trudy and Laura in the kitchen, cooking... cooking.. cooking!

My honey, his mama and my mama. So nice to be with family.

Good Bye Grannie Jane

2009-12-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

I am way behind on this blog and I really want to share what all has been happening in our little family over the past month or so. I hope at some point to transform this family document into a book for us so I hate to miss large chunks of time in which many blessings and sorrows have occurred.

On Nov 13th of 2009 my Grannie Jane ended her battle with cancer. Sadly this picture is about 6 years old but it is what I could find. That is Kadie she is holding. My Grannie Jane was my mom's step mom, she never had children of her own but she loved us all as if we were her flesh and blood. She was so special to me and my sister. We spent many summer days with her in Florida when we were spending the summers with my dad. She had her own little beauty shop for a long time and we would love to play there. All the little old ladies coming in to have their hair set. We would get free perms and hair cuts. I remember the smell of perms and the taste of Yahoos like it was yesterday. She would take us to our Aunt Libby's swimming pool and let us stop at the Pick Quick on the way home and get candy. She and my Grandpa Jim had this big Pit Bull named Duke that we just loved and he would let us practically ride him around the house. We would spend our evenings making forts in the living room with all the couch pillows and sleeping there. She let us be kids and never let us be out of control but just allowed us to play. Her and my grandpa had a stilt house in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico for many years and it was like camping over the water. You could only get there by boat and we would fish, play cards, and sleep under the stars. It is still my most favorite cherished place in my childhood memories, I still have dreams about being there. She was a constant in my childhood. Things were not terribly stable in my early childhood but I still can feel the calmness that I had when I was with Grannie Jane.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer a bit over a year ago, it was aggressive and she far outlived the initial prognosis. She was a trouper. She had not lived her life as a follower of Christ. Like many of us and many of our families, she made some tough choices in her life. My grandpa passed away about 10 years ago from throat cancer and at the very end of his battle he made his peace with God, a miracle as it is with all of us independent and prideful people. At that time, Grannie Jane told me she started to quietly pursue a personal relationship with God. I was blessed to have talked to her when I was with my other Grandpa 2 years ago and blessed again to talk to her on Halloween only 2 weeks before she died. She had peace. She was not ready to die but she was ready to surrender to the will of God and let me tell you it was the best conversation I have ever had with my Grannie Jane. In many ways, God is so merciful to let some of us know when we are going to die. Times like that make you make a decision. Times like that force you to really investigate what you believe and if you are ready. What a blessing that the Lord never ever stops pursuing us, even to our very last breaths. I am blessed to know I will see her healed and whole one day in heaven. Praise God for his mercy.

I will miss you so much Grannie Jane, thank you for loving me so well.

Happy Birthday Kadie!!!!

2009-11-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Kadie girl turned 6 years old!!! She choose to go to Great Wolf for her birthday and we went at the end of Sept with a big group of friends. But on her birthday, she says to me.... "so when are we going to Great Wolf?" It took some time to figure out that that trip was for her birthday. So we did only family things, no big friend party, but it was nice. She had french toast for breakfast, then when to the dollar store to buy some treasures with her birthday money, then we did cupcakes and presents, then she wanted to go to Panda Express (her favorite restaurant) for dinner, then we went to see Where The Wild Things Are. It was busy and fun.

Kadie girl, with her new clothes for Paci Bear that she got from Jack. I have not taken her back to build-a-bear since she got Paci Bear so she did not even know there were clothes for them. I think the secret is out of the bag, boy we could do some damage at that store now.
The new Tinker Bell movie from Issie.

An easy bake oven from Mike (Brad's cousin), this is a cool gift. However, you need to buy a 100w light bulb to make it work and they don't make basic 100w bulbs very much now. It cannot be an energy efficient bulb, it has to heat up. So we have yet to try it.

The big breakdown. Yes we bought her barbies! She said that was all she wanted for her birthday, she said that she has a doll house but no dolls, and it is very sad. So I felt like I could do the barbie thing if they were all Disney princesses. Boy she flipped out..... she jumped up on the table to rip off the paper when she saw what it was. It was pretty fun to watch.

Kadie and her barbies!

Happy Birthday Kadie Girl! I can hardly believe you are 6 but sometimes you seem older. You are pretty funny and make us all laugh. You have a great memory and don't ever let us forget what we have promised. You have a great imagination and you can watch a movie and then proceed to stay in character for days. You are a great Pocahontas, and a great Bolt, and a great Wall E. You are so fun and playful. You are loving gymnastics. You are very brave and love to climb super high on the rope. You are sweet and helpful with Issie even when she is mean to you. You forgive easily, all of us, and I am so thankful for that. You feel things intensely, when you are hurt or upset you let us all know about it. You love to have things a certain way but it is hard for anyone else to see the pattern or plan. You have it all in your head. You are smart and you love Jesus. I am so very thankful that I get to be your mom. I hope you had a wonderful birthday. I love you.

bye bye puppy

2009-11-08T15:30:00.000-08:00

On Friday, the puppy went to her home. She is 6 weeks and weaned from her mama. She was getting busy and starting to run around the house. I really tried to limit it so the kids would not get too attached to her. Jack was the most attached but he said good bye the day before so that made it easier. He was not home when they came to take her. Kadie was sad but got over it pretty quickly. Issie was obsessed with the puppy and now just says "puppy bye bye". Lucy seems to be doing ok. She got a good bath and we finally brushed the knots out of her ears so she is back to her cute little self. It was a good experience but I think we will not breed her again. We are happy with Lu and ready to move on.

Bye bye puppy.

Halloween Pictures

2009-11-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

Life is a bit busy around here with birthdays, holidays, men's retreats and jewelry shows but here are a few pictures from Halloween, about a week late, oops.

Jack (on left) Mom/Issie (on right)
Kadie (on left) and Michael (on right)--Brad does not do the pumpkins:(

Cleaning out the guts, I love pumpkins. I love all the parts of fall.

Yummy carmel apples, I always think of making them and this year we did, they were so good.

Kadie as Asoka form Star Wars the Clone Wars. She was pretty tough.

Issie, and a tutu. She was terrified of her Tinkerbell costume and equally as terrified of the ladybug, daddy tricked her into wearing the tutu. The funny part is as soon as Halloween was over, she put it on and wore it around the house and to the doctors. She just makes up her mind when she wants too.

Jack the rock star.

It was a fun Halloween, we did the carnival at the kids school and then on Halloween night we just did a few houses in our neighborhood. Not a lot of kids do our area so the kids get tons of stuff with only a few stops. Always more than we need.

Pumpkin Patch in the Pacific Northwest!

2009-10-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today was Kadie's first field trip in Kindergarten. We went to the Pumpkin Patch. Unfortunately it was awful. It was pouring today, not sprinkling, not raining, but pouring. On top of that it was only 44 degrees and on top of that there was an awful wind that made the rain go sideways, the temperature drop another 10 degrees and turned our umbrellas inside out. But in the northwest we go rain or shine. We all bundled up. I had Kadie and 2 other little girls assigned to me. We got there and ran from the bus to a covered area then went from there to another covered area for the kids to do the bail maze. At this point, the kids were cold but still having fun. Thus, this is when I took my pictures.

Kadie still happy to be at the pumpkin patch.
Kadie and her friend Abby.

Kadie and my other 2 girls, the beginning of the end....

At this point they are still trying to keep it together. We have done the maze, and the petting zoo and thank God they had warm water to wash their hands with. But as you can see they are starting to look pretty wet.

By now the wind is blustery, no one thought to bring gloves so all of their hands and mine for the matter were frozen. The umbrellas were doing very little to help. But for some crazy reason we continue on and climbed on to the hay ride where we all sit down to snuggle and realize the hay bails are soaking wet. Now we all have wet butts too. The wind continues to pick up and I have to put up my umbrella at an angle and hide all of the girls behind it. That is when the crying starts. Whining for most, but full on crying for my Kadie Girl. She is so cold and wet and I think most of all disappointed that this was not the fun she thought it was going to be. We still have to get off the hayride, into a pile of mud and search the hillside for 3 reasonably sized pumpkins for these girls.

So here I am 3 crying 5 year old girls, soaked, cold and miserable trying to keep a happy attitude. Of course every pumpkin we come across is rotten or broken, so we have to walk. Then the girls start being picky about what pumpkin they want, and crying because I suggest one that has some green still on it. At this point, I tell them, we have to just pick the first pumpkin you see that you can fit in your grocery bag and carry back to the tractor. These poor little girls, all picked pumpkins that were just too heavy beacuae they wanted to be done and we had little other options. Now I am dragging these girls back up the muddy cold hill, in the rain, carrying 2 umbrellas and 3 bags of pumpkins. Kadie is crying hard now, bawling and saying she never wants to go the pumpkin patch again. "Why did we ever come here Mommy?"

We made it back to the farm soaked, crying and miserable. Me still trying to have a sunny attitude and trying the be the voice of encouragement, when inside I am miserable and searioulsy wondering why did we come here on a day like today. We finally piled back on to the bus, which was warm and back to the school. Kadie sat on my lap wrapped in my fluffy teddy bear jacket. Her friend finally says, Kadie are you still crying, ugh! I carried all the pumpkins.

Kadie and I went home for hot chocolate and a hot shower and a long nap. At the end of the day, Kadie says "mom, I hope all of our field trips are not like that".

My question is this... when is enough enough? We could have easily after the petting zoo, walked the kids over to the crates of mini pumpkins, handed them each one and got back on the bus. I hate to give up, I know it was now or never, but really? I am sure we will always remember this trip to the pumpkin patch. It will be fun to see how the kids remember this in their writing this week.

Happy Birthday Issie!

2009-10-26T20:10:00.001-07:00

Our baby is 2 years old today! What a big girl. We made it simple, just cupcakes and family with some singing from our small group last night. By the 3rd child, you realize 2 year old birthday parties are really not for the child and we just wanted to make it fun for Issie. I have been singing Happy Birthday to her for about a week, as all of my kids usually cry when people start staring at them and singing this strange song. So she was excited when we sang and had been freaking out for a cupcake since earlier in the day when she saw them so she was very excited for that.

Kadie had to blow out her candle since she was so delicate with her blow that there was no way she was going to get a cupcake without some help.

So, what do I want to remember about Isabella at this age? I have to say she has become a lot less demanding over the past few weeks, praise God. She has started to love to sing and I hear her little sweet voice singing her version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star while she is playing with her toys. Her favorite song is Wheels on the Bus and what is so cute is that she knows all the hand motions. She really wants me to sing it in the car, all of the time! When we finish she is quick to say "again Mommy, again". I actually made an attempt to video her doing the song to post here since it is so cute and I know it would make my mom cry. But that would require a child that wants to cooperate and when Issie sees the camera she freaks out and just wants to look at the pictures. So I tried to trick her. I fixed her hair and got her all ready, did some practice runs of Wheels on the Bus and she was just so cute, I really thought it might work. Then I pulled out the camera to catch it on tape and this is what I got.

I will keep trying, I do feel a bit guilty that I mostly share her attitude issues. She is so sweet too. She is a girl of manners. She says "thank you" all of the time, and just recently "bless you" and last week she started "I sorry" (this is needed a lot as she tends to express herself with her hands- aka hitting) and today for the first time she said "you're welcome mommy". It melts my heart. She is a little talker. She can repeat anything you say and has really developed quite the vocabulary. She does not like a mess and will softly say "mess Mommy" several times before she starts screaming "mess, mess, mess, mommy, mess!" until I wipe the milk off her high chair or some microscopic piece of food from her bib. Then other times, if I am not watching her closely she will be wiping yogurt all over her face and arms like lotion. When there is a real mess she seems oblivious but microscopic messes are a serious issue.

Issie loves her blankie, my only blankie baby, she carries it around and rubs the edge of it in her fingers when she is sleepy. Her blankie can make a multitude of things better. She also loves Jack and Kadie although she tends to boss them around a lot. She will repeat herself over and over again until Jack or Kadie repeat what she has said. Kadie does it out of habit now, without stopping what she is doing she will just out of the blue say "yes Issie, yours, your bunny" then keep on talking or playing. Issie often is claiming the rights to something "my bunny, kakie". Jack usually is not paying attention, tends to block out the constant chatter of the girls. Then when Issie is screaming at the top of her lungs, usually in the car, "Crackers, Jack!" finally Jack will notice and say "yes crackers Issie", then all is well again. It is nuts. We all are somewhat controlled by the random desires of the this little girl. We try not to let it control us but it is harder than you think.

She is a snuggly little girl, when she wants to be, and it is so sweet. She will out of no where, run across the run and throw her arms around my neck and say "HI MOMMY" like she has not seen me for ever. She loves books and loves shoes and will bring them to you and turn around and plop in your lap for your help. She runs most places with this little hippity hop like run. She loves to move furniture, push chairs around the house, move stools and the ottoman. She loves legos although she needs constant help with them. She knows what she wants and what she does not want.

On Saturday, the kids had a Halloween Carnival at their school. I have this sweet Tinker Bell costume from when Kadie was 2 and Issie with her blue eyes and blond hair would make such a cute Tinker Bell. I got her new sparkle shoes and we put her tights on and ruffle socks but when I brought the costume toward her she started screaming in terror at the top of her lungs. She was terrified, screaming, "No thank you mommy, no thank you!". I tried to distract her, to trick her, thinking once she had it on she would think she was so cute. Nothing worked. So I have a lady bug costume that Brad's mom sent but no luck there either. Then I remembered this tutu that Brad's mom sent last year that might fit her, really anything would do at this point. Brad finally had to trick her into the tutu and she still tried to rip it off. I really was thinking, why are we doing this, for a picture, for what we think is cute, it really does not matter. But just when we gave up and said ok, you do not have to wear it, she says "NO!" and wants it on. Seriously! So she was not Tinker Bell, although we will try again for the actual Halloween night. But I cannot imagine she will do it. We will see.

My little ballerina, no hair done but you take what you can get with little Miss Issie.

I love you so much little Isabella. You have so much personality and are so uniquely you. I know your strong spirit and determination will be used in a mighty way. I love your precious hugs, kisses and snuggles. I love how excited you get and how you whisper in the morning when I come to your room. I love how you yell from your crib in the morning "MOOOOMMMY where are yoooouuuuu?" I love the way you dance and sing when no one is watching. I love how you are starting to pretend and play kitty. You make me laugh every day. You bless me every day. I pray God leads us in exactly the way you need to grow. Happy Birthday my little girl.

we did it!

2009-10-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

Last weekend me and my close girlfriends ran the Girlfriends Half Marathon! I have lots of pictures due to my friend Marnee's son who took my camera and followed us through the whole race, thanks Wade! It was a miracle to be running as most of us suffered from injuries during our training and all of us had to be super creative and dedicated to train at all with work, kids, and commitments it is so difficult to figure out how and when to get away multiple times a week to try to run. Especially when running in itself is hard. I was especially happy to be there, I love to have a goal and I am pretty internally competitive so it is good for me to push myself past what I think I can do. I also had a pretty serious (not easy to fix) injury that kept me from running for 3 weeks and only got me to pain-free running about 2 weeks before the race. God is good.

The girls... Kristi, Melody, Marnee and Me (missing Michelle who was out due to a hip injury)
Me and Mel, I convinced her to run with me instead of walk/running as she planned up until 2 weeks before the race. I am sure she will never run a half marathon again. Sorry Mel.

Pre-race prayer...we prayed against injury and that in the end to glorify God. It was a good day to glorify the Lord.

I think we are at about 6 miles here, we were obviously still feeling pretty good, excited that we made it this far and clueless to how much harder the second half was going to be.

Kristi and Marnee on a water break.. not sure where this is in the race as we split up at about 5 miles. Looks like their 6 mile mark. Go girls!

At the very end! I ran the entire 13.1 miles with no walking (except to drink so I did not spill it all over myself). The course had a few surprise hills between mile 10 and 11 and between mile 11 and 12, seriously I was cursing the course at that point. I am no fan of hills but at the end, give me a break! I finished in 2 hours and 40 mins, about a 12:15 min mile pace. Clearly not a speedy one but so happy to run the whole way. My ankle did not really bother me at all and my joints were ok too. My muscles ached and I was exhausted but I was so happy to see that my body was not as old and broken as I had been feeling a few weeks prior to the big day.

Happy Kristi, totally surprised herself and did awesome, running more than she walked. Way to go Kristi!!!!

Marnee, me and Kristi, at the end, after some water and some food and some stretching. Happy to be done, happy to have gone so far. Mel is missing, but she did awesome, running straight to 10 miles then running and walking and running to the end. Her body freaked out with a bit a shock at the end and she was not up for pictures. You girls did great. Thanks for keeping me going, I could not have done it without you. Now what is next. I don't like the thought of running in the dark or in the rain so I am not sure I will be running any races til spring. But we will see. I still need to drop 15 to 20 so you do what you need to do. Go girlfriends!!!

the trials of motherhood

2009-10-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

It is amazing what God gives us and how He uses everything to grow our character and set our path. My prayer life has become so much more diligent in this stage of life as a mom. My kids are pretty spread out in ages and the issues that each one is going through is so unique and so exhausting. I know just like so many other things I will look back at this time and think either that was not as bad as I thought it was or "wow" I am not sure how we made it through that. Time always changes our perspective.

Jack is beginning the prideful, "I know everything, you know nothing" stage. It is not full blown yet but the glimpse of it is a clear indication of what is to come. I realize this is a totally normal stage of preadolescence but he is 10 and I guess it caught me by surprise. I feel blessed that we still have precious time right before bed when we can talk and listen to each other. I feel blessed he still tells me what he is thinking and what he is worrying about. I am trying to teach him to seek his independence but to do it with humility. I am trying to read to him from Proverbs about pride and wisdom and not leaning on your own (10 year old) understanding. I am trying to tell him to rely on the bible and what God's word says about "opposing the proud and giving grace to the humble". He is listening. It is hard when the Word of God is so in contrast to what the world is telling our kids (and us). The world tells him that it is good to be proud, it is ok to feel like you are better than others if you think you are. It is right to compare yourself to others and look up or look down on them. It is a battle to constantly reinforce that we are all created in God's image and our behaviors have consequences but do not change who we are. Big things to think about. I want him to believe in himself but not be arrogant, to have a teachable spirit and a soft and humble heart. Like I said my prayer life is pretty strong right now, since we can not do this on our own.

Jack is also at the stage where he is frustrated. He gets frustrated by all kinds of things. He wants to control his life and when he needs to do chores and homework and which ones he needs to do and so on and so on. He wants to be in control. He feels like no one listens to him and his vote does not count for anything. He says he cannot wait until he is older so he can..... all kinds of things fit in to this statement. He has these unexpected stomping off to his room moments of anger or irritation. Then he comes out says he is sorry and all is normal again. It is hard to keep up honestly. He has a lot of feelings, a lot of pulls and pushes on him. It is a lot.

Kadie is in a whole different stage. Kindergarten is almost magical to her. But she continues to be my extremely intensely emotional dramatic little girl. The twist of a seat belt, or a drop of milk on her leggings can send her into an emotional reaction that you have likely rarely seen. By the grace of God I have realized (sadly just recently) that I am not responsible for my children's emotions. This is the perfect opportunity for me to test that truth. I allow her to respond as she feels is needed often this means crying and screaming at a very high pitched level and talking in a way that no one has any idea what she is trying to say. And as the storm starts to die down, I calmly ask "now do you think that was a reasonable response to what just happened?" Usually she says yes but occasionally she sees the irrational moments in her outburst. This is nothing new, it is actually much less frequent than in the past but still a challenge. I want her to express herself, she clearly feels things very strongly. I want her to know it is ok to feel passionately about things that other people may not understand. But I also want her to know the difference between this and a fit. It is hard for me to know the difference so it is hard to teach her the difference.

Kadie is also really wanting to be a good friend. We have been talking a lot about what a good friend is, for her to try to make good choices of who she is playing with. She is aware of behavior that is not nice. She usually just steers clear and chooses others to play with but this is getting complicated. She is now at desks with people and on the bus with people and natural friendships out of proximity are forming not necessarily out of who she would choose. She has already been drawn into giving others money or lying about things "because they said they wouldn't be my friend if I didn't". She says it is ok because she is being the nice friend, she doesn't mind doing these things if that is what they need. Ugh! Where to begin with that one? She told me she needs me or Daddy to come to school and help her choose the right friends. Very sweet. She has such a sweet generous heart. Our prayer is that she is drawn to even just one good friend and she is confident in herself and what she knows is right, and that she keeps talking to us about all of the details. The details are important.

Then there is Isabella. Honestly she is better than she has been, for the most part. She does not seem nearly as mean and demanding but she still has her moments and when she has them she really makes up for the times when she lets up a little. I am starting to realize this may be more than an age and may be an indication of a strong will. Today, for example, she spent 15 minutes in a full out screaming, crawling on the floor, fit in Walmart because she wanted to eat a banana before I paid for it. I admit, I have let her eat many unpaid for items in the past, but I draw the line on food that needs to be weighed. Again, another test for mom, I am not responsible for her emotions. This was clearly a fit and she was not to be distracted. She refuses to be in the cart and is actually dangerous in there so I often let her walk along side the cart pushing it with one hand and holding her blanket in the other. This made for a long and painful trip thru the grocery store. Workers were trying to give her cookies (which seems like a reward for a fit) but she in her loud "no" voice yelled "NO THANK YOU" at them. ( She says "no mine" so often that I trained her to say "no thank you" but now just yells her NO THANK YOU and it really does not seem all that more polite when said in a voice like that. So we get to the end of the checkout and I finally give her some banana and in less than 1 minute she yells "NO NANA.... MESS!" because the banana made her hand sticky. You have got to be kidding me! She rarely gives up, she rarely concedes, she is rarely distracted from her agenda. I believe God will use this determination for good and it is certainly helping me to be consistent and loving in all circumstances. THEN we get home, after crying the entire way saying NO MOMMY! and such, she gets out of the car seat and hugs me and in the sweetest voice says "tank you Mama" and off she goes like nothing happened.

There are lots of blessings having the kids so far apart in age. You can look at each stage with a different perspective since you have seen it come and go once or twice before. The difficulty comes when you get to that stage and this child deals with it completely differently than the others have. I feel stretched and pressed and challenged constantly. But I see how God is using it all in my life, to persevere, to really know what I believe and stand strong in those principles and to trust in the Lord, for this is all bigger than this mom.

Lu adjusting to motherhood

2009-10-06T12:00:00.001-07:00

The puppy is just over a week old now but still has not opened her eyes. Her nose has changed from pink to almost black, it really just looks like she sniffed some dirt. She is sweet and eats nonstop. I have had many days to realize and relate to the isolation Lu must feel with this little puppy. I joke about visiting with her so she does not fall into a post partum depression. Lucy is such a people dog that you can tell it is a real dilemna at times since she knows she needs to be with her pup but she desperately wants to be with us and snuggle on the couch.

I laugh at her as she rushes out to quickly run and pee, and then quickly scarf down some puppy chow and a little drink all the while the puppy is yelping and whining. Lucy runs out and whimpers as she gets some quick affection and takes just a second to lick herself then rushes back into the kennel to calm the puppy.

It is just like when we have a nursing baby, and we are in a seperate room or off in the corner really wanting to talk to people, really dying for something to eat and hoping it is not all gone before we get done. I remember thinking, I will just set you here in the bathroom in your little seat and take a quick shower, I just need a shower. You know you need to be with the baby, the baby needs you. You love the baby but just a second of adult interaction or just a moment of privacy, or just a little time when your body is not their bodywould feel amazing.

Lucy is a good mamma. It is especially hard since the puppy has no siblings to keep her warm. Lu has to stay with her all of the time to be her heater. I sit in there with her by the kennel and talk to her and pet her so she knows she is not alone.

The kids are anxious for the puppy to open her eyes since I told them they could not hold her until her eyes were open. Soon, any day now.

The other day I was checking on them before I went to bed and the puppy was snoring, lying on her back with all four paws in the air. It was hilarious.

Lucy Lu and Kenya Sparkles.

Lucy's puppy.

2009-09-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

Lucy had her puppies early! I put her to bed in her kennel on Saturday night around 11:30 and she seemed fine. Then I went running early before church with Marnee and went to get her out of her kennel when I got home around 8:30am and she wouldn't come out. I did not think anything about it at first since she was not due for a week and that is a long time in a 63 day long pregnancy. I went and took my shower and she still had not come out. She moves slow these days but I went to check on her and she was lying there peacefully. Then I saw it. In the back corner of her kennel was what looked like a puppy. I doubted myself at first as I have been fooled before by little toys that Kadie and Issie put in with Lucy to keep her company. I ran and got the flashlight. By the way, I was home alone with Issie, Brad had taken the kids to church but I was planning on staying home to get the car packed for our weekend at Great Wolf Waterpark. I ran back and yes there was a puppy, but it was in the back corner, away from Lu and not moving. I started to panic, texted Brad to come home. I was not sure if she was still in labor or how long the puppy had been there. I was scared to touch it, not wanting to touch it if it would freak Lucy out and not really wanting to touch a dead puppy. But I took a towel and moved the puppy toward Lucy. That is when I saw another puppy, already nursing and wiggling around. Lucy liked the puppy and tried to get him to respond but he did not. Brad got home and wrapped him up and tried to warm him up but it was just too late. I have no idea how long he had been there unattended, if he was born dead or just did not thrive. So we had to bury the little boy puppy. It was sad but we are so glad Lucy is ok and her other puppy looked great. It took some time to see if she was still in labor but I soon realized she looked way to calm to be still laboring. She was not panting and her tummy did not look to be having contractions. So it was just the two puppies in the little and only the one little girl survived the birth. Yes it is a little girl. We were supposed to be leaving for Great Wolf for an early celebration of Kadie's birthday so we were blessed to have a friend come up and stay at the house with Lucy and the baby. They seem to be doing well, I have not been able to get too many good pictures since I do not want to stress Lucy out, especially since she is a first time mommy. But here are some I took right when I found her.

Look close and you can see the little tail of the baby.
There she is just sucking away. She is cute but kinda looks like a little pig combined with a mouse. I am sure she will start to look different all of the time.

The hardest part, other than the baby that died, is that we were so hoping to have several puppies to give away. Lucy is so sweet and has been such a blessing to us and unfortunately she is a very expensive breed. We just wanted to bless some people with her puppies. It was hard to make so many disappointing phone calls. People understand and there was no guarantee but it was still sad. Lucy's puppy is promised to the daddy dog "Tucker"'s family. Since there was only one in the little Tucker's owners offered to not get him fixed so we could try again but that would be a year from now (since you skip a heat and they go into heat every 6 months) and I don't know if we want to do that to Lu. We will pray about it. She seems to be a good little mamma and had no difficulties with delivery which is what we were concerned about. Anyway, we will enjoy having a sweet little puppy in the house for 6 weeks or so. It is a great experience for the kids and they new from the beginning we would not be keeping a puppy so they are handling it ok so far. Jack was sad as he had hopes that his dad would get one then he would have a puppy at his dad's house but this is how life works and things like this are out of our control. I will post more pictures soon when I feel comfortable moving her from her mamma.

Missing Caleb.

2009-09-24T23:56:00.000-07:00

It's late, and I can't sleep. Caleb's due date was this week. I was sad last week, realizing that if things were different I would be almost having a baby right now. But then his due date came and went and I almost did not even remember. In so many ways it seems like forever since I was pregnant. That so much has happened, our lives just changed course and it is hard to think of the course we were on. But I miss him. I have been thinking about what it would be like to have a baby (a newborn) right now. It would be overwhelming. But I miss him.

Sounds weird and sad but I have been praying that God would let me see him. Maybe even let me hold him, just once. I pray that He would let me see him in my dreams. Like that part in the book the Shack when Mack gets to see Missy through the waterfall, just to know she is ok. I have no doubt that he is ok, my desire is more for me. I just want to hold him just once and look in his face and tell him he was wanted.

I look back at the time I was pregnant, the 4 1/2 months, and how much of that time I focused on how miserable and unprepared for him that I was. I know it is normal but I regret that now. I never want him to think that he was not wanted. If I could just hold him once and tell him that. I know it is not likely and that is ok. Jesus can tell him for me.

Life just moves forward and I don't want to forget. I am not usually sad about it all anymore, but right now it feels sad. My heart aches. I feel content with the babies I have, but I did want Caleb.

I am living through Lucy now, yes our dog. She is pregnant and due next week. I lay on the couch and feel the puppies moving around in her little belly and try to count how many there are. I see how uncomfortable she is and how she really seems to have no clue what is going on and what she is really in for. God amazes me, in 63 days several little fully developed puppies are created, just 63 days!

My friend is having a baby in December. It is good for me to be with her. Surprisingly it does not make me sad. You see how precious life is, what a miracle it is. My Grannie Jane is sick with cancer and it is getting harder and harder for her. Life is precious, in the beginning, in the middle and near the end. I am grateful for eternity with no death, no pain, no tears. My heart is soft, not hard from pain and loss, but soft and tender for all that life has, the blessings and the challenges and I praise God for that. I see so many hard hearts, and I know that could have been me, if Jesus did not save me. I am so grateful for a heart that feels, even if it hurts.

Tonight I miss Caleb. I am comforted that he is safe in the arms of Jesus but tonight I still miss Caleb.

Pacific City

2009-09-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

For Labor Day weekend we went to Pacific City with 2 other families to spend some time at the beach. The weather forecast was awful but God blessed us with some sunny moments, and my kids will play in the waves in the rain too. It was great.

The first day, we woke up to sun and we were so surprised that we raced to the beach thinking it might be our only sunny day. Kadie is a big beach lover so she lead the way.
Even the rainy days did not stop us from playing. Brad and Kadie's favorite thing is to chase the waves together.

The morning we left, it sprinkled and was windy, everyone is dressed in jackets except Kadie who was out there in the freezing water in her swim suit.

Trying to get the sand to go back in the ocean.

Chasing waves with Landon.

So fun. Only one time was she over taken by a wave, some of them were super big. But Daddy was there to scoop her up right away.

The first day we were at the beach, I thought I saw a black lab swimming in the surf but then I realized it was a seal. It played around in the surf for a while (I forgot my camera) then it walked up on shore for a nap and some suntanning. It was amazing. The kids were amazed. Jack said it was the coolest thing he has ever seen. It was right up there for me too.

The perfect pose from our pet seal, really amazing!

Pausing only for a moment to take a picture.

Jack loves tackling the waves too. He would play in the surf for hours, even though the water is freezing, they don't care.

Racing the waves with Ben.

Jack.

The wave won on this one, he was soaked but went right back for more.

Issie still is not a big sand lover and the wind did not help but she is getting better and we realized that wearing her shoes helped a lot.

Issie and Mama. I spent most of my time with Issie, since she did not want to go near the water (probably safer that way) and did not really want to be in the sand. But near the end of the trip she decided it was fun to be with daddy near the waves.

Issie finally discovered she liked feeling the water, she just wanted her hand to be in not her feet. So right before we left the beach she decided she likes it now.

Issie and Daddy.

It was fun. We love the beach and being near the ocean. We had fun with our friends and the kids loved sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor all together. Kadie kept everyone up to all hours of the night talking and laughing and then was the first to wake everyone up in the morning. She is the life of the party. Now summer is officially over and it is already feeling like fall.

First Day of School

2009-09-09T14:14:00.001-07:00

Last Wednesday was the first day of school for Jack and Kadie. It was a great day for everyone. Brad went in late so he could make pancakes for the kids. Jack and Kadie were both super excited, which makes me nervous as with high excitement can come crashing down disappointment if the day does not live up to every ones expectations. But we were blessed and all was well. Kadie was especially excited to wear her new clothes since I have not let her wear anything new since we got them weeks ago, pretty mean, I know. Jack however choose to wear old shorts and a plain white t-shirt. I guess it is more cool to not look like you are wearing all new clothes.

Playing before school

Back packs on... waiting at the bus stop.

I did not cry when Kadie got on the bus, but looking at this picture of how sweet her brother was taking her to her seat, it makes me tear up now.

One last look for mom.

Well, one more last look for mom. :)

My big girl getting off the bus at noon after her first day. Kindergarten is only half days where we live so Kadie rides home with out Jack. But we were super blessed to realize there are 7 Kindergartners in our neighborhood this year and one new little girl ( all the rest are boys) "Abby" just moved into our neighborhood and Kadie made friends with her at school before she even knew we were neighbors. Apparently they caught a baby frog together. God is good.

As for me, it was a delightful day having the house to just me and Issie. It is amazing what you can do in a quiet house. I exercised, had some quiet time with God, cleaned things in the house that have not been cleaned for way too long. It was wonderful, peaceful. I read books to Issie and she ran around the house playing her favorite little game.... "Moooommmyy, where arrrre yoooouuuuu?" in her sweet little sing song voice. She is so funny.

Jack had a good day too, his highlight was they played football at recess and he had an interception. Simple things.

Back to School BBQ

2009-09-01T15:02:00.001-07:00

Last night was the kids back to school BBQ. Kadie keeps asking why it is back to school if she has never been there before. So cute how her mind is always thinking. Kadie is going to kindergarten tomorrow and wants to ride bus so these pictures are my best shot of her first day of school. She was so excited to meet her teacher and take in all of her school supplies. She loves her Tinker Bell backpack. She seems so big and grown up but so small at the same time. She is more than ready and pretty frustrated that it is only for 1/2 days.

the back pack
Kadie and Mrs Pruitt her kindergarten teacher.

Her own desk, very exciting.

The monkey bars, possibly the most exciting part, besides the bus ride.

Our Kadie girl, what a sweet heart.

Jack is very excited too. He wanted nothing to do with pictures this year as he is a 5th Grader now and does not want to be embarrassed by all my emotions. Top dog, head of the school and so ready for it. Jack is always wanting to know what class everyone is in and all the details. He has his best friend in his class this year which is a blessing.

Back to school tomorrow, 8am, I am ready! Love you guys, I just know when it is time for school to start.

Cannon Beach

2009-09-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

2 weekends ago we went with friends to the beach for the day. Summer seems to be flying by and we had yet to go to the beach so we packed up the girls and drove to Cannon Beach for the day. Jack had another soccer tournament that came up at the last minute so he choose to stay and play soccer so it was just Brad, Kadie, Issie and me. It was a windy but pretty day. The beach in the Pacific Northwest is never like the beach in Florida or North Carolina, you need a wet suit to tolerate the water and the wind is always unpredictable. I have only worn my swim suit to the beach one time and it was a mistake. But the views are breathtaking and being near the ocean and watching the kids (and Brad) play in the sand and the waves is so fun. It was wonderful.

Kadie and her friend Marcus, creating sand worlds together. Kadie was covered from head to toe in sand, she even had it all over her eyebrows and in her ears. She had a great time.
Me and the girls. This is where I spent most of my day,sitting on the towel beside Issie. She would not put her feet in the sand and absolutely not in the water. She freaked out any time the sand touched her legs and I would have to wipe them off. So she happily sat on the towel reaching over to play with the shovel and her little shark dump truck. She is a nut. She did not nap all day and was perfectly fine as long as the sand did not touch her legs or feet.

Issie 5 minutes after getting into the car at 5pm, passed out.

Kadie at the end of the day, sun tanned and happy. Well until we stopped at Pig and Pancake and she could not get a stuffed animal, and she totally freaked out and had to be dragged to the car throwing a fit. Sometimes, it is crystal clear when the day is over and it is time to go home.

Daddy and Kadie, running to the waves as soon as we got to the beach. Brad just loves to play in the waves and look for little creatures and shells, he could do it for hours.

The family, minus Jack, we missed the boy but had a great time.

Me and my honey. Love you babe.

Issie with her sand issues. She really wanted to play in the sand but could not get it on her, it kept me busy keeping her cleaned off every few minutes. I remember Kadie this way too, she will soon love it and roll around in it like Kadie does and we will have to hose her off before be leave but for now she is dry and clean at the beach. Funny girl.

A Summer Day Downtown Portland.

2009-08-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

It is the end of summer and we have had some great weather. We spent a day downtown last week, by Brad's work, playing in the fountains and going to lunch with Daddy. It was a great day.

The three of them at the end of the day, Kadie ready for more, Issie hot and past her nap time and Jack "can we go yet?" preteen age attitude. They crack me up.

The few times that Issie actually got out of the wagon. She is so territorial that she thinks if she leaves it some other kid will come along and sit in it. She does not share right now so she protectively spent most of her time in the wagon. She did not care much for the cold spraying water.

Kadie could not get enough, she had to have her goggles on and her floaties. She was so funny and happy and the life of the day.

Grump-a-lump in her wagon..."mine!"

Playing on the edge. This is not a super kid friendly, or safety freak mom friendly fountain. The kids loved it and climbed all over the place exploring and testing my limits. It was fun, kinda.

Jack and Kadie

Pretty Issie girl, she actually was happy all day, minimal screaming at strangers that looked at her. No fits or major freak outs. My sweet baby is maybe snapping out of this crazy stage.

Now it's quiet!

2009-08-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

My Issie can scream even with a paci in her mouth. I thought this was hilarious, she searched her baby bag and crib and found both paci's and popped them in. I was making dinner and saw her riding around on her bike like this. Perfect!

Overdue Summer Update...

2009-08-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

The summer has totally gotten away from us. I cannot believe we only have 2 weeks til school starts! It has been a great summer but I am feeling ready for some structure and some down time. I finally got a new camera, nothing super fancy but it is faster and can finally catch Issie on the move and action shots a bit better. This will be a long post but hopefully get us caught up on all the summer fun.

We have been busy with swimming pools and soccer games and camping and jewelry shows. I have been working a bit more this summer and have been busy designing a new jewelry line for the fall. I had a great time at Camas Days (our local street fair) and my little jewelry business did well. I had the opportunity to design for a bride and her wedding party which was super fun. I also got connected with a local shop downtown that seems to want to sell my stuff. We will see how that works out. On top of that my closest girlfriends and I decided to train for the Girlfriends 1/2 marathon in October. 13.1 miles, yikes! I had not run for 6 years but it has been great to get back to it. I need to get my body back, is that possible after 8 pregnancies? I am up to 5 miles and I have a 6 mile run planned this weekend. The tricky part is to find the time to get away to run, our neighborhood is way too hilly and I usually have to figure out a place with a track and a playground so my kids stay put, it is ridiculous but worth it.

Brad has been busier than usual with work, they did a big layoff and we are grateful for his job. We have been totally unsuccessful at doing the projects we wanted to for the summer but we have had good family time instead, so that is worth it too.

Lucy looks like she will be having her one and only litter of puppies in the first week of October. She does not look pregnant yet but we are pretty confident her romantic weekend with Tucker was successful.

The kids are busy. Kadie is super excited about starting kindergarten and we did our first annual Mommy Daughter Back to School shopping trip. She is not quite the shopper she thought she was and pooped out pretty early. We did still manage to get her some super cute things. Up til now the girl has mostly lived off of awesome hand me downs from her cousins but it was fun to get some new things just for her. It is difficult since most places try to make clothes too grown up or too young for her. We also splurged and got pedicures at the mall, so fun. She did a fashion show this morning so the Grandmas could see her new clothes. We might have over did it on the pink but oh well.

This little sweater romper is my favorite.

Kadie loved these boots.

I gave in on the hot pink sparkly poodle shirt, but we both loved the sparkle shoes.

She looks so comfy in this little pink sweat suit.

silly girl

And this one was Kadie's favorite. It looks like 3 pieces but it is all sown together in one.. pretty cool.

The cutie little blue sparkly toes, she dropped the hose nozzle on her toe a week ago and has one ugly black toenail so she picked a color that would totally cover it. This was before she bought all pink clothes.

Jack has had a busy summer with trips with his dad and trips with us and camping with both too. He built his first campfire all by himself this summer and jumped off the cliffs at the waterfall where we camp. Not too exciting for mom but very exciting for the little man. Soccer has been fun too, especially since we are finally getting to some competitions and not just practicing. He has 3 tournaments in a row for most of the weekends in August and then regular season starts in September. He is playing left middle and is soooo much fun to watch. We were blessed with a great and encouraging coach but we can see as he builds his skills they will be moving him up the league to a little more intense coaches (I think that is as politically correct as I can say it). I just pray his spirit is ready for it at the same time as his skills are. He is still our tenderhearted boy.

He is very ready for school to start. He will be a 5th grader, king of the hill. I told him to enjoy it because he will be back at the bottom next year in middle school. That is way too much to think about. Anyways, he loves school, and misses his friends.

Jack with his famous campfire.

Most of the team, acting crazy at the the caravan meeting point for the first tournament. Jack loves his team, he is so loyal and it is fun to see them really bond as a team.

I love this shot, great kick.

Last but not least, Issie. They moved her up in her class at school to the big toddler room and it totally freaked me out. I cannot believe she is 22 months! She is super sweet and we all love her to death but I must admit this has not been the best age for little Issie. She certainly has not been trying to make any friends lately. She is in this stage where she screams, no screeches, when she does not get what she wants. Sadly this is effective when you have 2 older siblings and a worn out mom that just want the noise to stop. She also has learned to scream "no!" and "mine" and flat out hits people that try to get near whatever she has her heart set on. It is embarrassing. She will not ride in a shopping cart but must push it. She spends some time in every store flailing on the floor in disgust about who knows what. I am going to spend a good week letting her scream it out once the kids go back to school. I am not sure that is what will help but what can you do. I know it is because she is almost 2, I always think 18 months is harder than 2 but she was good at 18 months. Needless to say it has been rough. It does help that she says "tank you" and gives good kisses and hugs and still loves to snuggle at bedtime.
And she sleeps alot, is that awful that one of the best things you can say about your baby is she sleeps a lot. Oh well, I love her lots and I know this too shall pass.

Looking sweet, but on the verge of a scream!

Crazy hair girl. She loves to have her hair done, much more than Kadie girl but she likes to pull it out too so I can do it again and again. She is funny.

I am sure I am forgetting things, like Kadie being able to swim and Issie being an underwater baby. The snakes in the front yard that freak me out when I mow. The second porcupine attack. And tons of other exciting things but I feel like I accomplished something just getting this up. We love you guys. Hopefully school will help me have more time to keep you all informed.

Puppies for Lucy??

2009-07-21T21:24:00.001-07:00

Well that time has come again for our little Lucy Lu. She is in heat. I dread this time of year (twice a year actually). Managing the diaper, keeping her on a leash and watching her every move so she does not escape to slut around the neighborhood. Well this time may be a little different. We are going to try to breed her with a sweet little Cavalier named Tucker. I have stressed and worried and hoped that it would work out and it would be the right thing to do. She is very little for her breed and it can be hard. But we feel it will all work out so we are moving forward and we will see how it goes. I have done this before with Kenya and Colby (my labs) but it is much easier with bigger dogs and when you own them both.

Lucy has had one get acquainted date with Tucker. And has a romantic weekend away with him set up for next weekend (apparently when she is supposed to be fertile). Sorry if this is too much information but that is usually how I operate. Then 63 days later we should have some puppies. Likely due the first week of October and ready for homes right around Thanksgiving time. I know I am getting a bit ahead of myself but the timing does seem to be working out perfectly. We will see what happens and of course I will keep you all posted.

San Francsico

2009-07-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

I am finally getting around to posting some pictures from our trip to San Francisco. One of our dear friends Erik got married on the fourth of July in San Francisco and we drove the family down to join them. Erik was in our wedding and Brad has known him for years since his time in California and I met him and instantly loved him at our wedding. He is the last of our single friends to wed and we are so very happy for him. We had a wonderful trip down to the bay area. Only an 11 hour drive which seems like nothing compared to driving to LA or Albuquerque. The kids are good travelers and even Issie did well, praise God, since she can really let us know when she is not happy with the plan. Not only did we get to go to a beautiful wedding but we also got to see some of Brads friends that we miss so much. Here are this kids, it is rare that I get a picture with them all together, which I totally love since I love to see their sizes beside each other. Jack seems so big, but they are all growing too fast it seems.

The wedding took place at Stanford University (Erik's Alma mater) in their amazing cathedral, it was unbelievable. I did my best to capture it but all I had was my iPhone since our camera broke right before our trip. Ugh.
It was a beautiful sunny day and the kids had a great time running around and exploring everything. I tried to get a picture of them together at the wedding but there was no hope with Issie so I just tried to get some snapshots here and there.

This is what Issie looked like the entire weekend, we caved and let her have her paci all weekend (we are paying for that now). She also carried her blankies all over the place, through the dirt, on the floor at the church under the pews and across the dance floor. Need less to say, they were disgusting by the end of the weekend. But everyone thought she was cute, and she was pretty content so you do what you have to do. I think she must have been the only "baby" there since the photographers seemed to be constantly taking her picture. Poor Erik and Alisa will have hundreds of wedding pictures of our baby.

Kadie was super sweet at the wedding. She met Alisa (the bride) at the rehearsal but once she saw her in her wedding gown she was totally in awe! I think she must have thought she was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She just stared and followed her around. We ran into her in the bathroom and she said hi to Kadie and Kadie grabbed my hand and said with the most excitement "She said Hi to me, mommy". It was too much. She was totally in love with her. It was precious.

Sadly this is the only picture we got of Erik and Alisa. They were a gorgeous couple and we are so excited for them. One of the most special things that happened this weekend is that Jack asked Brad to teach him how to dance. So in the hotel room before the wedding Brad had the iPod rocking and he taught Jack to waltz, to two step, a little bit of swing dancing and then how to just "rock out". It was so sweet. Jack was totally serious and into it and it really paid off. We all danced for a long time, and Jack is quite the little dancer. Kadie loved it too and we ended up taking turns dancing with Issie. It was so much fun. Issie was such a trouper. I will never forget that time with my family dancing with joy, such good memories.

Our friends Patrick and Jen. Patrick was also in our wedding and they got married the summer after us. It was so great to see them and hear what God is doing in their lives. We wish they would move up here but it is not likely since they just bought a new house with a POOL, I am a bit jealous but I will get over it.

I love this random picture of Kadie smelling the flowers. It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland or something. Our little princess with the pink sparkly shoes.

Jack's Field Day

2009-06-25T19:41:00.001-07:00

It is kinda sad to admit that I have not volunteered at Jack's school for nearly 2 years! I had no idea it had been that long until I signed up for Field Day and my security clearance had expired. Both his dad and Brad have gone on field trips but I have been either pregnant, with a newborn, pregnant again or working. Time just flies by and you don't realize how much they still want you there. So on Jack's last day of school, Field Day, I went and spent the day with him.

It was so fun to watch him with his friends and in his little world. He must have told me 10 times how thankful he was that I was there. It was really a great day. His school is wonderful, set in the country with a huge play field and big trees everywhere. Jack is the kid that knows everyone, every ones name and what class they are in. He is Mr. Social. I am not sure where he gets that from but it is fun to watch. And he runs everywhere, non stop running from place to place. His best friend right now is Michael, who does not run and has a hard time keeping up. Jack is not little for his grade, maybe one of the taller kids but his friend Michael is about a foot taller than him. They were partners so they went everywhere together that day.

There is a group of girls, I will not mention names, that Jack hangs out with too. There is one particular crush but a lot of the rest is typical 10 year old girl talk. These girls all came up to me saying you must be Jack's mom and giggling. It is a bit too much for me to wrap my head around at 10 but it is what it is.

Next year he will be the "king of the hill" in fifth grade. He is really looking forward to that. I keep telling him to enjoy it as much as he can since middle school is right around the corner, ugh! I am totally not ready for that.

Jack and Michael

Hanging out with mom at the Soccer Ball Partner Race.
Jack and Michael on the soccer ball partner race.

Some of the 4th grade gang.
Getting ready for tug of war.
Jack's class one some and lost some. It was so fun to be there and be a part of what is important to him. I am constantly aware of how important it is for me to be interested in what is important to him. He lights up when he talks about things that seem like nothing to me, until I see how much they mean to him. You could really miss something special if you don't really work on paying attention and listening. I remember one of the women in my church a few years ago giving our MOMS group this advice.... "listen to them when they talk about the stuff you don't really care about and later they will talk to you about the things that really matter". I hope that I can really listen to him now, I really want to be a part of his world. It takes constant effort and forethought but it is worth it to see a little bit of who God made him to be. Thank you Lord for the boy you have blessed us with, he keeps us laughing and thinking. Love you, Jack.

Preschool Graduation for Kadie!

2009-06-22T21:24:00.001-07:00

Kadie had a great year at Preschool and we were so blessed by her awesome teachers and great friends. During the last week of preschool, a bunch of the families went to the zoo together. It was a cool and wet morning but it was a great day at the zoo. All the animals were out and really close up. It was amazing. The kids were so excited, running from place to place. It was just a great day.

Jack and Kadie
One of Kadie's favorite's on this day, the alligator! If she only knew the size of the huge gators that her Popop catches in the river by his house she would be shocked. But we will leave those pictures for another time. Her other favorite was the naked mole rats because they were "so cute!" Pretty funny since she got to see a giraffe face to face and watched the black bear pace right in front of her and stared at the sea lions for nearly an hour. But naked mole rats were her favorite. Pretty funny that Kadie Girl.

Family love, the kids really had a great day together. We even rode the train.

Issie on the train, having fun. She was pretty happy in her stroller most of the time and was passed out by the time we left. Not really sure if she noticed the animals at all.

The wolf is new to the zoo and came right up to the fence while we were there. Pretty cool.

Mommy's favorite, the hippos. Kadie says I only like them because they are "boring" and I love boring stuff (like reading, talking to my friends, sleeping, cooking). She likes to tell me this a lot, how boring I am. But we all know that I love hippos because they can sleep underwater and just float up to take a breath. I think that is so cool.

The self portrait, I remember doing this all the time in college, there is a reason we don't take pictures like this anymore. But it sure shows how tired we were by the end of the day. We went home and all took long hard naps.

Then on the last day of school, the school had a picnic and a little performance where all the kids sang songs from the year and Mrs. Kim gave them all these beautiful scrapbooks of the year. I cried of course. Kadie is so full of joy at this little school and they taught so boldly the truth of God. She will be heading to public school for Kindergarten and even though we love the school it is hard to see her not have the saturation of God and Jesus in everything that is taught. Plus Mrs. Kim is like family. We cannot wait for Issie to be able to be there too.

Our Kadie Girl, you are growing up so fast. We love you.

Busy Days

2009-06-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

We have been a bit nuts around our household with the last week of school for Jack, the end of preschool for Kadie, a jewelry show for mom and Jack getting ready to leave with his day for 8 days to Michigan. I have many things to share, pictures from the Zoo, Kadie's school and more. Hopefully after this busy weekend I will get you all up to date.

3 steps forward...one step back.

2009-06-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

In many ways we are moving forward. Our family has been busy, it is always that way at this time of year. End of the year parties and field trips. Soccer and getting ready for swimming lessons. Planning camping trips and BBQ's.

I feel like we are moving forward but every now and then I take a step back. I went to a baby shower 2 weeks ago. I really did not think I would have any issues but I did. Clearly some denial. First off the girl was someone from a past bible study and I had not seen her for a while. She had her little boy the same week we lost Caleb and she did not know I lost the baby. I knew when I saw her she did not know because she looked at my stomach. At some point in the shower someone told her, but it was sad. I was happy for her, her little boy was so sweet. I held him and just stared at him. I did not feel sad. But there was a time in the shower where the new mom read blessings that people wrote to the baby and it just broke my heart. I did not cry but if I could have slipped out a back door I would have. They all prayed over the baby and again it was so sad to me. I don't want to make it all about me but I know people could tell it was hard for me and nobody knows what to do or what to say.

I hear these prayers about how this baby was a gift from God and how he was created for something special. I feel the same way about Caleb. He was a gift from God but who is going to know that, other than me. He was created for something special too, his time was short and we did not get to hold him but he was created by God. Life does not just happen, life is created. Caleb had a purpose in this world. And he surely has a purpose in eternity. For one thing he made me realize how much I have come to trust God. His time with me reminded me how this life is not just what I think it is going to be but so much more than we can imagine. I am sad that other people may not be touched by the life of my boy who went to heaven so quickly.

I was listening to this interview on bible talk radio (I listen to it when I drive for work) today and this man said something that I knew but in a way that felt new to me. They were talking about that question "why do bad things happen?" "why do some babies die and others live?". As much as I try not to go there, it is hard not to wonder these things at times. The man said that nothing happens in this world without God's knowledge and permission. When you are a baby/child or a Christian and He decides you have fulfilled your purpose, He brings you home. Those who remain still have work to be done for the Kingdom of God. As short as many of my babies times were in this world, they each had a purpose, they did not happen by accident and they did not die by some "plan of mother nature" as the doctors seem to say. There was a reason. Sometimes we see the purpose for their life on this side of heaven and sometimes we don't. But it changes my perspective to think about the purpose of their life, their creation instead of the purpose of their death. Their death was to bring them home to heaven.

Most days I feel happy and content in where the Lord has me and our family but I still have those moments of grief, where I miss the thought of having those babies in my arms.

I also listen to this other show with Pastor Paul ( I cannot remember his last name but he is from a church in California). I love this man, he totally cracks me up and convicts me at the same time. Today he was talking about adversity in our lives and how we never can see the purpose in it at the time but later we often can realize we would have never arrived where we are if some of those trials and tragedies did not happen. He talked about Moses and how he was sent down the river away from his mother, but later nursed by his mother and raised in the Pharoh's home, he needed to be there to be where God was going to use him. And if Joseph's brothers never hated him and sold him into slavery, he would have not ended up in Egypt and rescued the Jews from the famine. I came to Christ because of total brokeness after my first husband left me for another woman. I recieved deep healing after losing my fourth baby and sinking into a deep pit of bitterness. I have seen the blessings in my life, the times when due to my pride and false attempt at control only deep tragedy would bring me to my knees. These are some of the things that I needed in my life to help me understand God's love and mercy and grace. I would not trade that for anything.

I just commited to train for a half marathon with 4 of my closest girlfriends in October. I am excited and motivated to do something for myself that my body and my spirit could really use. I have started walking and running a little after 5 years of no running, ugh. It is good time with God, good time alone with my thoughts.

God is good, even when we can only see the yucky things, God is good.

Great Friends!

2009-06-03T10:14:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday night we went to an amazing event for some dear friends that are adopting a baby from Ethiopia. A bunch of people put together this beautiful surprise auction where they raised over $11, 000! to help them fund the rest of the process. It was planned for months and it was a great opportunity for us all to get out without the kids and have fun.

A group of our closest friends all met before the auction for dinner and drinks and it was so fun. I forgot my camera but everyone else brought theirs and shared these pictures with me. When I got them, I realized not only the fun we had but how blessed I am to have these people in my life. I have been blessed with many great friends throughout my life and these people are some of the best friends you could ever hope for.
Left to right, Melody ("Mel"), Michelle, Me, Marnee, and Kristi. Melody and I have known each other since my wedding, her hubby was Brad's best man but really we became friends about 5 years ago. We have been through lots of sadness with babies together but also tons and tons of joy and laughter too. She is super creative, really fun, loves to know about everything that is going on and supportive in everything and a total blessing to me. Michelle and I were in a small group together, then led MOMS together, even lived together when we were building our house. She is a wealth of information on everything, a great listener, loves to have fun, is carefree and the keeper of all things I need. Marnee was my neighbor and in small group with us too. She has been my counselor, my running partner, my labor coach, and my loyal friend. She is always real, gives the best hugs, makes you want to tell her your life story when you first meet her, and is absolutely always available when you need her. Kristi was the first person I met when I came to Vancouver, before Brad even proposed. She is the life of the party, always with a big smile and a ton of energy. She is supportive and loyal and always ready to pray with me, nothing is the same when Kristi is not there.

We were all in a small group/bible study together for about 2-3 years and at the time all but Mel lived within a few blocks of each other. We dropped by on walks, shared left overs, had last minute dinners together, ran to the store for each other, watched each others kids, and so much more. Even though we all moved and things changed our friendships have never faltered. I love you all so much, you are always there for me, in the good times and the not so good times. Thank you.

Here we are with our hubbies, which are all great too. I love these guys and I know I could call any one of them at any time for anything and they would be there for us. Notice my husband is the only one that thinks it is funny to pretend to poor his beer on my head, always the funny guy. I guess that is why I love him so much.

The men, left to right... Nick, Nello, Chad, Brad, and Dave.

Me and my love at the auction.

Isabella at 18 Months

2009-06-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

I have been promising pictures of Issie to my mom, and trying to video her so she could hear her sweet little voice and all the new words she is saying. The video has been harder that I thought. I do have 2 video's at the end of this post trying to capture her little personality. I really wish our families could see the kids more often. They just grow and change so fast and I hate that they miss it but technology is the next best thing so here you go mom.

Isabella is very independent but also very lovable. She is quiet most of the time, until she is not then she can throw her voice through the entire grocery store. She is unintentionally spoiled by Jack and Kadie, as they just want her to be happy so they give her what ever she wants, which leads to her expecting to always get what ever she wants, even when no one has any idea what she wants. Thankfully she is learning some words, sadly, I am the only one how seems to know what these words mean, it is a vicious cycle. She is still in love with hats and is developing a new obsession for shoes, hers, ours, and dress up. You never want to accidentally walk by the shoe section in Walmart or Target, she seriously freaks out, throws her shoes on the ground and does some crazy moves to climb out of the cart to get to them. She now clearly says Mommy (still using all kinds of cute variations in her voice and singing it all over the house- mommy means, mommy but it also means, feed me, help me, pick me up, get that, not you, and happy) It is all in the interpretation. She also says baby, no, shoes, yes, bebe ( which means blankie and paci- the magic combination), love you/thank you- they sound the same, hello, hi, bye, and a bunch of other things we have yet to decipher.

off up the stairs to play by herself in the play kitchen
Jack took this one, when they were playing puzzles, her other obsession. She will play with her alphabet puzzle for an hour if someone will help her fit them in properly.

She loves her big sister and really loves Lucy. Both relationships are tenuous as Lucy can only handle so much of Issie (unless she as food of course) before she goes and hides in her kennel. And Issie loves Kadie on her terms, doing what she wants and Kadie likes to smother Issie with "the love" until Issie totally freaks out. It certainly keeps me on my toes.

Issie knows we think she is funny and cute so she often uses the dinner table to entertain us all with silly faces, noises and games with her food and clothes. We all feed into it by laughing hysterically.

Playing mommy.

Enjoying the sunshine.

Loving her big brother. She loves him to hold her and snuggle and he is usually happy to do this.

Here are my attempts to catch a little glimpse of Issie in action. The first one is her playing mommy, you can hear her voice and it is funny because you can see her right before a full blown meltdown when she cannot get the stroller up the stairs. The second one is her walking in dress up heels, she is so cute. We love you Issie.

Jack Turns TEN!!!!!

2009-06-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

I am a few days late posting this but Jack turned 10 last Thursday, May 28th. Our big celebration was at Great Wolf but we still celebrated his special day. When Brad's family and little brothers lived with us, I started a tradition of making whatever the birthday person wanted for their birthday meal. Most of you know that I love to cook and this seemed like a great gift, especially to teenage boys. Well, my kids are now loving this tradition as well and my son has developed some refined taste. Jack choose Sun dried Tomato Pesto with Chicken, Pine nuts and Rigatoni and Super Chocolate Chocolate Cake. He loved it. We also got him the Beatles #1 Cd, which has all 27 of the Beatles #1 hits. We all danced around the house and had a wonderful night.

Kadie got Jack a bunch of beach balls. We let our kids play ball in the house and we have gone through several beach balls when they hit the fire place and pop. So this was the perfect present. Seriously this is the kids favorite thing to play, they have several ball games where they hit each other or their ball or play catch or dodge or freeze tag, it really keeps them occupied constantly and has done very little damage to our house. It was the perfect gift.

Here is Issie's hilarious reaction to the cake, more more more! She is a nut.

Jack, We can hardly believe you are already 10 years old, although at times you act much older. You are the sweetest boy and such an incredible big brother. You are patient, loving and creative in your play with Kadie and Issie and they LOVE you so much. It is fun to watch you grow and see what you love. The music and singing is by far your greatest love right now, you are constantly in song and I love that you love Big Daddy Weave and Brandon Heath and Sanctus Real but also love Journey, the Beatles, U2 and Tom Petty. It is fun to watch you perform for us in front of the camp fire. We are also really enjoying watching you grow in your love for soccer, you are really getting good and I love going to your games, even if I spend most of the time wrestling Issie. You have a good heart and a love for God and thirst for the truth and justice. You have compassion and insight into others that is far beyond your years and clearly a gift from God. I feel you slowly pulling away from your childhood, less likely to let me kiss you, wanting to be on your own, grown up and all that. I know this is the beginning of us letting you go, little by little and it is super exciting and super sad at the same time. I am praying for you all the time. Believing in your future and trusting that God will carry you when I am not with you. I pray you never forget that He created you and has an amazing purpose for your life, you will never be alone, He will always be with you. We love you so much. Happy Birthday, Love Mom and Brad.

Great Wolf!!

2009-05-25T20:19:00.001-07:00

Okay so this is surely the record for how many pictures I have put in one post! But it was hard to not want to capture everything and a picture is worth a thousand words, and we all know how wordy I already am. Our family went to Great Wolf Water Park this weekend to celebrate Jack Angelo turning the big 1-0! Yes, my baby boy is going to be 10 years old this week. It is mind boggling I tell you. So instead of a birthday bash or presents we decided to go for 2 days to what Brad calls "better than Disney". Keep in mind, Disney is not Brad's most favorite place since we have gone twice with kids, once with a newborn and once with a sick pregnant wife and a sick 3 year old, so not the best experiences. Anyway, this was a blast!

For my family back in Florida, you must understand we don't have water parks on every corner in this neck of the woods, and if you are going to have a water park and hope to make any money (which I am sure this place is making some money) you need to have it indoors. So this is an indoor waterpark that is connected to a hotel and you must stay in the hotel to use the park. But they have tons of other things for the kids to do as well. And they make it all oh so easy by giving Mom and Dad wristbands with microchips in them so you can easily charge all these other fun things to do to your bill. It could get a bit crazy.

We all had such a fun time! They really had something for everyone. If we had a baby sitter for just a few hours it would have been perfect since both Issie and Kadie still need someone with them and with Issie basically being wild, crazy and fearless, either Brad or I were attached to the girls while the other adult got to go on the super fun rides. It was still fun but a little time without the baby would have been fun too.

Jack was the biggest and able to go on all the rides and rode the biggest Tornado ride a ton of times, it was crazy fun! The first day he went with Brad all morning exploring and trying all the stuff. Then that night Brad took the girls to bed and we went back just me and Jack. We were on our own from 7 til 9 when it closed and the lines were shorter so we could ride the big rides over and over. The first time he took me on the Tornado was crazy. He made me go backwards and I don't know what was scarier not seeing where I was going when dropped several stories or watching is "freak out" face! He just loved it. We laughed so much. It is not often I get that much time alone with Jack, the girls are always there and he is so independent that I forget how important it is. This was special. It was fun to just have no responsibilities and have fun with him. He is such a good boy, a great big brother and he is really funny. I am so glad we did this for him and for us, it was just what we all needed.

On the second day Jack was off on his own a lot but also took turns riding the big ones with me and Brad. It was a great time. Here he is riding solo on one of the other slides.

My big 10 year old!

Kadie was a bit more cautious. She went right away up to the slides when we first got there with Daddy then got scared and hung out in the kiddie area with me and Issie for most of the first day. She was happy to swim around and practice going on her back and tummy. She even freaked out at the wave pool because she got splashed. She forgets that she learned to swim underwater last summer, but she figured it out and felt better once she had a life jacket. On the morning of the second day we convinced her to go with Daddy on a tub slide with her googles on and she did......

....that is not a smile on her face. Apparently her little bottom is too skinny and she slipped down and bumped her butt several times. It was a bummer and she was done with those slides. But then we again convinced her to go on the River Wild ride which is much bigger but you are in more of a raft and cannot fall out. Well this was the winner. She went with me and Jack and then again with Daddy and Jack.

There's the smile. Success!

But most of the time, Kadie's favorite was just swimming in the pool. She loves to swim around by herself playing imaginary games.

Daddy's girls

Mama and the girls.

Kadie's attempt at the Lily Pad challenge, she did not make it past the first one, it was just too hard!

Jack mastered the Lily Pad challenge after doing the splits about 7 times the first time. He was a pro by the second day.

Then there was little Miss Issie. She is so crazy. Fiercely independent. A quiet calm. I am serious when I tell you she was the bravest and craziest kid in that kiddie area! I swear about 30 other parents came up to me and said "wow, how old is she? She is crazy?" Thank goodness for that life jacket! There were 2 slides in the kiddie area and she went up the steps and down each slide at least 50 times. She would go down sitting, on her tummy, face first, walk down until she flipped on her tummy and then flew down, you name it! She always had a huge smile on her face, even when she was flung under water because I could not get there as fast as she could. She learned 2 new words the first day, "Weeeee!" and "Again". It was so fun to watch. Here we have Kadie at 5 floating around in 2 feet of water (totally content and happy) and this little 18 month old ball of fire racing around the place. She would often refuse my help unless she was going under or wanted to get up the steps to the slide faster. She would walk right past everyone to the front of the line, oblivious that you may need to wait your turn. If some other little kid was sitting on the slide and hesitating, leave it to Issie to give them that "push" they needed to get out of her way. Fortunately, everyone seemed to think she was the cutest thing ever and allowed and encouraged all of this behavior. What a crack up. Here she is soaking in the scene on the morning of the second day (much less busy than when we first arrived).

My cutie pie!

Not the best focus but I had to try to get a shot of her on the slide and still run and catch her a the bottom without dropping the camera in the pool. Too cute.

Here are the big kids at the end of the day, apparently Jack is getting too cool for the pictures.

The lodge also had a ton of other cool things for the kids to do when they were not in the water. One of the things was this interactive game called Magiquest. You buy a wand and follow this book of riddles around the first 5 floors of the lodge and when you wave your wand across different pictures, and treasure chests and crystals you earn points and then complete quests. I am sure I am not explaining this well since I could not keep up with them and finally stopped trying and just let Jack and Kadie run around solving the riddles like a million other kids. Thank goodness my kid can read, the parents that had to keep up were looking haggard. It was a super fun little addition to the stay, since at this age the kids can only handle the water for so long before they are raisins and exhausted.

All and all it was wonderful and we will save our money and do it all again as soon as we can.

Issie at the end of the second day. How we all felt but only Issie could do.

Happy Birthday Jack. What a great family memory for your 10 year old celebration!

We love you.

Blessings and memories

2009-05-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

The past week has been good but bumpy at times. I feel blessed each day from someone, some new moment of encouragement, some sweet words or well needed hug. Thank you all for continuing to be there for me and for being so genuine in your compassion, it blesses me and it blesses the Lord. This is what He intended when He designed the body of Christ.

Last night at my women's bible study we were finishing our book (which I highly recommend by the way... Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Spirit, real change from the inside out.) We were flipping through some of the previous chapters and I came across the ultrasound pictures from Caleb's first two "normal" ultrasounds. I usually had a long wait at my doctors so I would bring this book to read and I must have put the pictures in the book. It caught me off guard, took my breath away. My friend Molly took them and put them in her bible for me. Part of me did not want them, but the other part did not want to throw them away. It is my only picture of Caleb in this world I will have, but it is so sad too. Molly will hold them until I know.

I have these random moments where it all hits me. Most of the days I feel true joy and contentment and freedom to do things I was unable to and to be available in a way I was unable to be for the past several months. Then someone will ask me the simplest question like "do you have plans for the summer?" and I cannot just answer a normal answer without thinking... "well I was planning on having a baby at the end of the summer, that was the plan". Boy does that put an uncomfortable spin on the conversation. When you are going to have a baby or even planning to get pregnant everything for the next several years is contingent on that event. I don't dwell there but I am aware that my heart is still in that direction at times. it is another reminder.

Then I have days where I get the tournament schedule for Jack's soccer and think, "good thing I didn't make any plans for the summer". I am glad to be able to be present in things that I was not able to be. Being at my 10 year old soccer tournaments is just as important as nursing a newborn. They need us just as much, just in different ways.

God does not cause evil or pain but He promises to use everything for good for those who love Him. I am convinced that He wastes nothing. He is the ultimate recycler of pain and joy and circumstance. In my study last night there was a quote from someone (not going to take the time to look it up now) but it was a simple one sentence prayer that went something like this..."Lord please show me who you meant when you created the original me." Life and this world and our own selfish tendencies can distort who we think we are supposed to be and ultimately feel frustrated or like we will never get where we need to be. What a bunch of lies! Before all, I am a created child of God, with a purpose that is eternal, beyond these moments but using every thing. I am so excited to see what the Lord has for me.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, I am so thankful.

Women's Retreat

2009-05-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

I am a bit delayed in posting this but it was so great that I really did not want to just skip it. A few weeks ago, right before we lost Caleb, I went on a Women's Retreat with my new church. Brad and I have been going to Simple Faith Calvary for about 6 months or so and have really been blessed there. It is a small church with strong biblical teaching, minimal programs and a totally loving atmosphere. We have been so blessed in the past by wonderful church families and once again we are blessed by this church family.

Since our church is small, our Women's Retreat was small, about 25 women. Most of the women in the church were able to be there, but my 2 closest friends could not come due to their girls ballet performances that weekend. It was quite the stretch for me to go when I barely knew anyone ( I really struggle with social anxiety in situations like this). I am so so so glad I decided to fight the fear and go.

The weekend was wonderful. We went to the beach and stayed at the most incredible beach house. See the pictures below, it was amazing! We had wonderful worship and teaching and the ladies that shared their testimonies were so impacting. But more than anything you could really feel the presence of God there. There was a safety and a joy that is hard to explain with 25 women of all ages and backgrounds.

I fell in love with the women of this church. God is so amazing. It is funny (not really funny) how we can get so caught up in our lives, our failures, our pains, and really have no idea about the lives of those around us. These women shared at such a deep and honest level, and loved on each other, loved on me, and shared such heartbreak but also had so much joy. There was a lot of tears but just as much laughter. God ministered to each of us and ministered through each of us. It is hard to fully explain how it was but I am so glad I went.

The Tuesday after I got back from the beach we found out that Caleb went to be with Jesus. Once again, I feel like God used that time at the beach to help prepare me for what was to come. Not only did I draw close to God that weekend, but I allowed these women to know me and draw close to me. It is so hard after something like this happens to go back to church, or go to any group, it is so hard to sense and feel every ones grief and not completely crumble at the weight of it all. But the very next weekend we went back to church and I was totally blessed by the love and understanding I received. God is good.

I have an amazing group of women around me and I am so grateful. Since then I have gone back to MOMS group, and to Women's Bible study and to work and each time it is overwhelming. The sadness in all these people is overwhelming. It really shows me how much they care about me and my family, but still it is overwhelming. It is not that I am not sad but I have grieved and I am grieving but sometimes seeing other peoples grief is overwhelming. But each place I go, each step I take is a step forward. Moving forward is good.

Anyways, the retreat was a wonderful time with the Lord and with these beautiful women. Here is the view from my bed out the window, can you believe it? I got the master suite with another girl that was pregnant too. It was such a blessing, I slept like a baby.

This is the large dining table, it seats 12, and another table seats 8 and there was tons of seating at the bar. This table was incredible. The ceilings were like our wood floors, every detail of this house was peaceful and restful.

Here is our kitchen, it was great too, lots of yummy food.

Here is the luxury Master suite, although all of the bedrooms were amazing. We were on the top floor but on the second floor there were 4 bedrooms, 2 with 2 queens a piece and their own bathrooms and 2 with 1 queen a piece and a shared bathroom. Then on the entry floor there was a pool table, poker table, foose ball, ping pong, 2 beds, bunk beds and 2 pull out couches. Plus a hot tub out on the patio. Really it was incredible!

Here is the main living area where we had our worship, teaching and sharing. We had an incredible view of the beach that was at times distracting, especially at sunset. What a blessing!

I cannot wait for next year.

Kindergarten Round Up!

2009-05-14T14:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we took Kadie girl to Kindergarten Round Up. It is partly an orientation for parents and partly an orientation for the kids. Kadie went to a Kindergarten room and was matched up with a sweet little girl named Gracie that held her hand and took her to do some crafts and circle time. At first Kadie was super nervous and did not want us to leave but once she had a friend she was fine. Brad and I cried a little at the fact that she is so brave and already old enough to go to Kindergarten. The school is great. They spent a lot of time with us explaining everything and giving us things to do with Kadie over the summer. The most exciting part for Kadie was when they brought the school buses up and they let us go on a bus ride to learn all the bus rules. She was so super excited that she did not need a seat belt ( a bit freaky for mom but we all rode school buses when we were kids and survived). She was so funny. We then took her out to lunch (her choice) and to dairy queen. It was a special day for our Kadie girl.

Big Girl Kadie on the school steps.

Riding the school bus- without a seat belt!
Silly smiles but happy heart. We love you Kadie girl.

Soccer!

2009-05-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

After two nights of long try outs, one night in pouring down rain, we found out last night that Jack made the Select Team! He was so super excited, he tried so hard and has improved so much but has just had bad experience after bad experience and we were not sure how much more he would take before just giving it up. But all his work paid off and I am certain he will have a great coach and a much better over all time this season. Way to go Jack, we are super proud of you for following through on what you love.

It is nice to have fun things to report.

bring out the best

2009-05-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, I talked about how pregnancy can bring out the best in people, a little cloud of excitement that follows you around. Well after I wrote that I have been bombarded with love. I realize that loss brings out the best in people too. I recieved several cards today and emails. I have had little notes, and flowers, even from our plumber. I finally listened to my voicemails today and it was totally overwhelming. Each of you may think, there is nothing " I " can do, I will just send this little note, or this little email, but it is more than you know. I keep those notes, those prayers, I replay them when I need to know the Truth. I reread them and I remember what is real. I am very grateful for every prayer, every thought, every word of encouragement. I feel the love of the body of Christ, thank you so much.

Day by Day

2009-05-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

I am feeling stuck. I feel like I can do things and then realize I cannot. It has been less than a week but I am ready to move forward. Physically my body wants to just sit around, emotionally I want to do something, mentally I am going a little nuts. Jewelry has been therapeutic, I have not done much for months and was putting my business on hold but suddenly I am busy and it is relaxing so I a grateful to have it.

Yesterday, at Kadie's school one of the moms just announced she was pregnant. Kadie's teachers know I lost the baby but I don't think many of the moms know. It was difficult. I could feel Kadie's teacher wanting to protect me from the news. I am happy for her, it is not that. I just realized that when you are pregnant, it brings out the best in everyone, it is the miracle of life and even people you don't expect get caught up in the excitement of it all. At work, everyone was so excited to see me and here what was going on in the pregnancy. There is a little cloud of excitement and positive energy the follows you around. Well, my cloud has changed to a little cloud of sadness that follows me around. It is not that I am necessarily sad all the time but I remind people of something sad that has happened, people don't know what to say, they are grieving too. Yesterday, I cried all the way home just realizing the difference of the cloud of excitement and the cloud of sadness. It sucks.

I went to church on Sunday, which was a big step. We have a wonderful little church and I just returned from a wonderful women's retreat last weekend (right before we lost the baby). It is just hard to go and have that sad attention on you. God is good though, the people were wonderful, it was not overwhelming, it was loving and gentle and genuine. It was good for me to go and continue moving forward.

I know to some people it may seem soon, but Brad and I are sure we are done with this stage of the game. We are very content with our family. The emotional roller coaster of me getting pregnant is just too much for us, for our family, for the people we love. We are ready to move into the next (no longer making babies) season of our life. Brad is ready for the surgery, I am ready to pass along blessings in maternity clothes and out grown baby gear. We are excited about the next season, of school buses, homework, soccer tournaments, swimming lessons, and family vacations.

Each day is different than the day before. Best to not have any expectations. I am blessed that my mother in law is paying for someone to come and spring clean and help organize my house for a few weeks. I am blessed by dear friends that remind me that I am never alone. I am blessed by a thoughtful, loving and patient husband. I am blessed by all of your prayers.

I have been reading in Deuteronomy over the past week or so. I love this book in the Old Testament. It repeats itself a lot, probably because we need to hear it over and over. The common theme is don't forget what the Lord has done for you. In the bad times and in fear, remember what He has done for you, the miracles he has done. In the good times, do not take credit for where you can arrived, do not forget that the Lord had given you everything you have. Do not forget the faithfulness of our Lord. Do not fear, do not forget and shout it from the mountain tops to all who will listen. Tell your children what He has done for you, write it on your forehead, write it on your door frame. Do not forget. I will not forget what the Lord has done for me and that He is so faithful.

I love you all.

Letting go...

2009-05-02T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today was a tearful day. As my tummy shrinks I realize more and more the reality of how I don't get to hold this baby. I have cried on and off but today was a bit more of really letting go. Jesus gets to hold my baby and I am jealous. I am thankful I have my little peanut Issie still toddling around who lets me hold on her and snuggle. She is little for her age and super snuggly so I am taking all I can get while I can get it. The other two are not so hip on the long snuggles these days.

I got out with a friend today, running errands as I want to get out of the house but don't want to take the whole family and don't want to stop the narcotics. So my friend Molly was my chauffeur and it was nice to be out.

This stage is difficult because you are ready to move on but just can not do it completely. I am letting go. Letting it be what it is, moment to moment.

I have this picture on our family wall of all our babies in heaven. It is so special to me, a daily reminder of our family. I was thinking that I need to find another picture to add to the frame. As I was looking at it I realized I did not need a picture. One of the pictures is of Jesus with our boy Finn, and Jesus is tickling him and they are both laughing. I love this picture. Well in the picture there is another boy, looking over Jesus' shoulder, hanging on him. I remember when I put the picture up, Jack asked me, "who is that other boy in the picture". I told him, I am sure it is a friend of Finn. Yesterday as I was looking at the pictures, I was struck by the fact that, that is Caleb in the picture. Caleb was there all along, at least in God's eyes. I know this may seem wierd to some, some may say "these are just sketches of random babies and kids" but they are not to me. To me they are tangible, they are my babies, real and vibrant and happy.

I love that the Lord is so real in this with me. I have short moments of loneliness but for the most part I feel God's presence in every detail. Thank you for your prayers, I feel the power that comes with them.

Caleb Micheal John

2009-05-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

We named the baby last night. Brad and I had not talked much about names, it is easier that way because he changes his mind and I get my heart set on something and get frustrated. Anyway the one name we had discussed was Caleb so we named the baby Caleb. But then Jack and Kadie did not think it was fair that they did not get a choice so Jack picked Micheal and Kadie picked John. It is a mouthful but we like it.

I felt great physically and emotionally yesterday until about 5pm. Then I realized that planting flowers on the deck was maybe not as important as taking a long nap. I am laying low today. Still surrounded with Gods peace but letting my body heal with a bit more rest.

In someways it all feels surreal. Like it almost didn't happen. That makes me sad. It seems like a 4 and 1/2 month blur. I know I won't forget but I worry I might. I feel pretty good, it is hard to tell I was even pregnant, my tummy has shrunk considerably and I have energy that I have not had in months. It is nice to not look pregnant when you are no longer pregnant but it seems like every thing is just returning to normal so quickly.

I do feel like I grieve when I feel like grieving, I am sad when I feel like being sad. I do not feel like dwelling there. I do feel happy and joy at times, being outside, watching the kids, laughing at my funny husband. It is just all a bit surreal. Hard to change directions, hard to not change directions.

I am blessed by you all, the words of love and encouragement have meant the world to me. Off to snuggle with Issie, love you.

Blessings in the midst of pain.

2009-04-29T19:27:00.001-07:00

Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement, it means more than you know. I feel completely showered with love and I am so very grateful.

I feel content, which may sound weird but I do and I am grateful. I have realized over time and suffering that my contentment and comfort grows when I am focusing on and recognizing the blessings we have. It never eliminates the pain and grief of a loss but for me it certainly allows me to feel it without dwelling there. To take captive every thought. To focus on what is good and what is true.

Today we were blessed with a very loving staff at the hospital and a completely uncomplicated procedure. We were blessed with friends that came to our house at 5 am to take care of your kids and get them to school. We were blessed with a meal we did not have to cook. We were blessed with many many many words of encouragement and prayers.

I feel blessed that God protected me from having to deliver the baby. I am grateful that we have no doubt that our baby is with Jesus and is perfect and complete and in paradise. I am grateful that my children have very little grief and sadness. I am grateful for my husband that knows just what to do and when he doesn't he admits it.

But above and beyond all of it, I am so grateful for a God who loves me and cares about every detail. I am grateful for the healing He has guided me in. I am so very grateful for the peace that he has totally wrapped me in. I have had moments of pure joy with my husband and my children and those who are like family in the past few days and that can only be a gift from God.

I was talking to Jack before bed last night, I asked him if he was okay and that I was worried about how hard and sad it may be for him. He said something wiser than his years. He said, "I am doing ok because you are doing ok". "I was very sad at first but I think I thought you would be lying in bed crying, sad, and grumpy, but you are not. So I know everything is going to be ok." WOW. It was another great opportunity to tell him why I was ok and to give God all the glory. He said, "Ya, I figured it was God, God is good ya know." Too funny. It made me realize how much my kiddos look to me to see God. I am sure that I do not always present the best representation of God but this week He has been revealed through me, at least to Jack and for that I am so very thankful.

I am also very grateful and blessed by my children here with me. Kadie has been oblivious but sweet and loving. Jack has been compassionate and strong. And Issie has been super snugly and oh so sweet. God is very good.

I love you all, thank you for walking along side me in the good times and the hard times. I am blessed by each of you.

Can't Sleep

2009-04-29T05:15:00.000-07:00

I am up early, we have to be at the hospital at 6am for surgery. I can't sleep. I will miss having this baby. I am so glad that one day I will get to hold him but today I am off to say goodbye.

Prayers needed for a safe and uneventful surgery and blessings for our kids as they are going to be helped by many today. They are doing well, praise God.

Love you all.

A Very Sad Day

2009-04-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

Today we learned our baby went to heaven to be with Jesus. I had a routine doctors appointment today (18 weeks) and we learned the baby stopped growing at 14 weeks. It has been a very sad day.

In the midst of it all, I feel God has totally blessed me with His peace. There was a part of me that felt something might be wrong, not enough to dwell in fear but enough to prepare my heart. The baby was small in the first ultrasounds which is not typical for me, and I had not felt the baby move and I usually do by now. I also felt I was no longer growing at my normal rapid rate. I was not completely shocked when the doctor could not find the heart beat. It is still so very sad.

It took me some time to adjust to having another baby. We felt content and complete with our family, which is another blessing from God. But I had jumped in with all my heart and was excited to see this little surprise God had for us.

About 2 weeks ago, I had a moment of fear, which I have on and off with all pregnancies. I was praying that night, telling God how much I wanted to completely trust Him with this baby. As I was drifting off to sleep God revealed to me something that totally ministered to me. He showed me how I see things in the immediate situation, in the moment, the here and now. He sees things eternally. He sees yesterday, today and tomorrow all at once. He showed me a picture of how he sees my family, my eternal family. You see, when I think of my babies in heaven, they are usually still babies. But this night, God showed me how He sees them. He showed me them as their actual ages, side by side, smiling, beautiful and complete. All eight of them, He showed me Madeline 11 years old, Jack 10 years old, Finn 9 years old, Kadie 5 years old, Taylor 4 years old, Chloe 3 years old, Isabella 18 mos old and the baby. They were all together, not separated by who was here with me and who was there with Him. I had such peace, such relief. I felt that no matter what happens that this is my baby, a gift from God that will be totally taken care of.

I believe that night was one of many ways God prepared my heart for today. In the past, the pain from each consecutive loss piled on top of the pain from the ones before. But I have been healed from those losses and all the pain that went with them. So this loss, stood alone and did not overwhelm me. If anything the experiences of babies before and Gods faithfulness only reminded me that I would be okay, I would make it, it would not be too much to bear.

I have cried, very hard. But I feel a sense of peace that transcends all understanding. I have a contentment with the family I have, I am so blessed with my kids that I have here with me, I long for nothing. I am blessed by those who love us, those who grieve with us, those who drop everything to run to the hospital, to watch our kids, to pray, to weep, to do what ever we need. You all bless us.

I know you all are sad with us. I want you to know God is so good and we are OK. We love you. We are grateful for your prayers. Tomorrow will be sad too, but we are not forsaken, we are never alone. God is faithful.

Potty Training????

2009-04-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

So I have to admit that I am a lazy potty trainer. I can see the convenience of diapers and things get a bit more complicated, at least for a while, with the potty. With both Kadie and Jack, I waited til they were 3 and were totally ready and we had very little issues, no wet pants or accidents and no wet beds.

Things are a bit different this time around. First of all, Issie at 17 mos is telling me when and before she needs to go "stinky". It is pretty shocking to me as I don't remember my other two ever being aware at all and usually denying the clearly undeniable. So I decided to get out the potty seat just to see. Well, of course she wanted nothing to do with it at first. But then when Kadie sits in there with her, she is all about sitting on the potty. Well sitting, then standing in it, then turning around to take it apart and put it back together, then sitting again.

Then on Sat only the second time sitting on the potty, she peed! I could not believe it. We were hooting and hollering and making a big fuss and she was pretty excited, although I am pretty sure she had no clue what had happened. I went to get her a diaper, only to come back to see she pooped on the floor right next to the potty. So we are not really celebrating too much yet.

I have low expectations and I am fine if she is still in diapers come September when the baby comes. But I am also thinking that this may be possible to have her trained before 2. Is that possible? She only has about 10 words, so thinking she can understand this process is mind blowing but I think I may be underestimating her.

I will keep you posted, as I am sure this is a fascinating to all of you as it is to our household. Ahhhh, the life of a mama.

Sick Day

2009-04-16T12:32:00.001-07:00

I stayed home from work yesterday with Issie and Kadie since they are both fighting colds. Issie is so funny, she is sick but almost hyper. Wrestling with Lucy and trying to snuggle with Kadie. Lucy is so good, she tolerates alot. It is always hard to have little ones sick but it was a good day to be able to be home with them.

4 Months already!

2009-04-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

So for my mom, here is my first pregnancy picture. I know I look huge for only 4 months, part of it is the dress and part of it is that I am huge. This is how it goes for me and I am ok with it. I seriously did not think I looked this big but the picture does not lie.

All is still well, I have not felt the baby move yet but it is still early. I am happy to say that I found a new OB that is closer to home that is willing to let me try another VBAC. Praise God. It was sad to leave my specialist but the drive was so far and we all felt I am past the dangerous stage and that all is looking good.

I am feeling more and more excited about the pregnancy and the baby. It is neat to think that with all that we have gone through with all the babies lost that God knew all along that we would have 4 children. It blows my mind. I feel strongly that the Lord is telling me daily to "do less". I was so overwhelmed in the beginning but I now know that it was because of all the extra things I put on my plate. I am content letting some things go for now and being mom. I don't want to miss a thing, I want to live without regret. People, relationships, our family is more important than all the things I think I should be doing. God is so good.

I see the doctor in 2 weeks and have the ultrasound in the first week of May, I will keep you all posted. Thank you for your prayers. I am feeling so much better, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Praise God.

Easter Fun

2009-04-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful Easter this year, even though the weather was a bit rainy it was nice enough to go to a church egg hunt but the rest of the festivities had to take place inside. The kids has lots of fun. It is a wonderful time of year, when we truly remember what Christ has done for us and the miracle of Him conquering death and proving He is the son of God. Kadie has such an extensive knowledge of the crucifixion, and the resurrection that she taught her Sunday school class for the teacher. It is so precious to hear her prayers and thankfulness for every little detail, for the angel that moved the rock in front of the tomb, for the rich man who gave Jesus his tomb, for the disciples who finally believed He rose from the dead. It is sweet.

Kadie with her full basket, so happy.

Issie took a long time to figure out what was going on, she refused to pick up an egg. Finally I just put one in her basket, then she thought it was neat. By then, all the eggs were gone. A few little girls felt sorry for her and gave her some of their eggs, so she ended up with 4 which was perfect for her.

All the kiddo's, looking cute. Jack is at the age where he still thinks this will be fun but realizes it is a little lame. He says things like, "this is not a hunt, you just bend over and pick them up", "where's the challenge?" and "stickers?... who wants a sticker". He says it is still fun and I remind him that he is nearly 10 and not to ruin the fun for his sisters. He is great at helping them and making sure they get their fair share of the eggs.Issie, investigating her eggs in the middle of the sidewalk. She really needed to see what was in there right then.

Isabella on Easter morning. Not sure why she is covering her ears but she was looking at the camera and not moving so it is a good picture. Lots of drool on her chin as is the norm these days.

Jack in the middle of his string hunt for his Easter basket. I tried to make it a challenge but next year I think we are going to need to wrap the yarn around some trees outside and down in the back yard to really make it hard. He got a penny whistle and some new Toby Mac and Big Daddy Weave cd's so he was happy in the end.

Kadie on her new pink scooter. She has been riding an old beat up spiderman scooter for some time now and saw pink girl scooter at a friends house and was totally in awe over the fact that they make them just for girls. She also got the next set of the Magic Treehouse Audio books that she just loves.

It was a weekend. We completed it all with a yummy Easter meal with some of our dear friends from our Bible Study (our family here). What a wonderful time to celebrate our faith and our family. We miss you all that are far away and hope you had a great Easter as well.

kd designs-- Clearance Sale

2009-04-09T20:46:00.000-07:00

After much prayer I have decided to take a "baby break" from my fun little jewelry business. I have canceled all my shows with the exception of one final clearance show on June 20th in Portland. In the mean time I have a ton of my stuff on sale, all in-stock necklaces are 50% off, all earrings are $5, all bracelets are $8. Things are going fast but if you are interested check out my jewelry blog at www.jewelrybykddesigns.com . I hate to let some of these pieces go so cheap but I know when I get back to it I will want all new stuff.

Porcupine Attack!

2009-04-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Brad is out of town all week for work and it never fails that something random and crazy happens. At least I am at a stage that I can laugh about it most of the time. Our 2 outdoor dogs are blue heelers and we keep them close to the house with an invisible shock fence. Well the day Brad left the fence had a breach which means it does not shock the dogs when they try to cross it. Well the dogs are so used to the fence that it took them about 3 days to realize they could venture across the fence. Today was that day.

I was about to leave the house with the girls to run errands and Kadie was at the door looking out the window. She said "mommy what is wrong with Dundee's nose?" I looked out the window to see a sad little dog with 3 big porcupine quills sticking out of his nose. Then poor Saphira looked like she was growing a white wire beard, she had at least 10 quills in her chin.

I called the vet and of course needed to take them in since I was not about to tackle this problem. The dogs hate the car, probably since they only go to vet in it. I had a heck of a time trying to wrestle them into their kennel in the back of the van, picking them ups fighting and barking, I would get one in and then the other would escape, seriously it was a mess.

The sad part is that it is super dangerous, usually they have them all in their mouth and tongue as well and they are fetal if not removed. I had no idea. They had to totally put them under to remove the quills, not an expected expense but what do you do? I told them to save the quills, Brad wanted to save them, but in all the craziness I forget to get them from the vet. Bummer.

Anyway, that was our Daddy out of town adventure. Here is a picture of Dundee's nose, I could not even get Saphira to stay put long enough to get a picture even though she was much worse off.

The porcupine won this won.

Kadie and Daddy take a trip

2009-03-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Every year around Brad's birthday he takes a trip to Albuquerque to spend some one on one time with his mom. It is his gift to her but also a nice time for him to get away for a little bit. This year he decided to take Kadie with him. Boy was she excited. She cannot remember ever being on an airplane since the last time she flew she was under 2. It was fun helping her pack and she was full of love and affection for me as she new she was leaving me "all alone". (She forgets I still have Issie and Jack.) Brad is really enjoying having all the time alone with her. She is so funny and has such an incredible imagination and vocabulary. It is hard to have enough time which each kid by themselves to really see who they are and how God made them.

I am enjoying the quiet of my home. Jack is at school and Issie is not much of a talker so as an introvert I am really loving having a few days with no one I have to really talk to much. It is a blessing all around.

Beach Trip with the Girls

2009-03-26T20:05:00.001-07:00

I am totally blessed with amazing girlfriends. I have 4 girlfriends that have stood beside me in thick and thin over the past 5 plus years. We get together every year for my birthday and several times throughout the year but more than that we live life together. We may be in different places or stages and we may not talk for a month but we can pick up like nothing has happened. We can get right to the heart of things and share all the deep dark things without fear of judgement. I cannot say how much I love these women. For the first time we all managed to get away for a weekend at the beach in Febuary. (minor miracle) It was wonderful. We had no agenda and no plans. Some of us scrapbooked, or did little crafty things, we watched old Friends reruns and walked to get icecream cones. We stayed up way way way too late and stayed in our sweats all day. It was relaxing and comfortable and we cannot wait to be able to do it again. Unfortunately we have few pictures because we just didn't think of it until the day we left when we all looked exhausted and hagered. I love you ladies.

Me and Marnee

Marnee with the babies, Hope and Amelia

Melody and Hope

The girls.... Mel, Hope, Me, Michelle, Amelia, Marnee and Kristi.

Time warp.

2009-03-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

I am slowly coming back to the world of the living. I have not posted anything for over a month so I thought I would give a brief recap of what the family has been up to. So even though I have been in survival mode life goes on and we continue to be blessed by these funny little kids.

For Valentines Day we made our (my) favorite sugar cookies for Kadie's preschool class and Jack's school party. I have no idea when it became standard to give little packs of candy with valentines at school parties but apparently I am the only mom that did not do this, according to my son. I think the cookies are so much better but maybe not to a 10 year old.

Anyways, me and Kadie and fun baking and decorating so that was worth it.

Issie continues to make us laugh. Here hair is so funny in her spiky little piggies. I was trying to get a picture of this cute little sweater that we got with birthday money from Tutu but she would not put down the bottle so I have silly pictures of her dragging her bottle around in her teeth. I know she is a bit old for a bottle but my rationale has been that she has been underweight according to the doctor and I have been trying to fatten her up with anything she will eat which has included soy milk in the bottle. It won't be forever, eventually she will gain some weight.

Kadie and Issie love to play this game with the laundry basket on laundry days. Issie sits in the basket and Kadie drags her all over the house. Issie giggles like crazy which makes Kadie so happy. She loves being a big sister.

Girlie Girls with their high heels on. Issie can only manage one at a time but it is still super cute.

Slowly pulling out of the pit....

2009-03-10T10:30:00.001-07:00

So I realize I have not posted anything for nearly a month. The fatigue of the pregnancy has made sleep my highest priority. I have many things to post, pictures from Valentines' Day, the girlfriends Beach Trip, new pictures of Issie and the funny things the kids are doing. Life is still good even if I am sleeping my days away. I feel like I am starting to ever so slowly turn a corner and feel a bit more alive and a bit less exhausted. I am at 11 weeks, my real turn around usually happens at 14 weeks but maybe it starts to get better sooner, I cannot really remember.

We did see the baby again last week, so cute. Little arms and legs and it had the hiccups. All continues to be healthy with the pregnancy. My hormone levels are good and the baby seems to be growing as expected. Praise God.

I hope to be back to normal or at least close to it soon. I will post the stuff I missed then. Love you all.

The gift of snow.

2009-02-13T18:51:00.001-08:00

At small group last Sunday, I was confessing how I have been feeling ashamed of how difficult it has been to wrap my brain around being pregnant again. I love that the Lord is giving us another baby, but the process of realizing it has been more difficult this time around.

A guy in our group gave me this analogy and I have been thinking about it ever since. I thought it would be good to share, especially for those who maybe cannot understand the process I am in. Here goes...

The guy said it would be like this. He told his wife in Febuary that he wished that there would be one more big snow storm before spring. Then weeks passed, months passed. It got sunny and warm. They put the snow stuff away, packed up the sweaters and got out the shorts. They were enjoying planting for the spring and playing in the sunshine. Then one April morning they woke up to 8 inches of snow.

I love snow. I feel like I was really enjoying the sunshine, and now I am back tracking and adjusting to the beautiful snow.

The snow is a blessing, thank you Lord.

Heartbeat!

2009-02-11T21:28:00.000-08:00

We had the first ultrasound today. It was a bit nerve racking. It took quite some time to see anything. I had to leave to empty my bladder more than once and still it was seriously like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had quite some time to come to terms with how I really feel. I would be sad if we lost the baby. I guess I am getting attached to this little life sucking machine.

Finally, there it was. This tiny microscopic flicker. That is it. Our baby, a tiny almost impossible to see flicker. Apparently the baby is smaller than we thought, therefore I am only 6 weeks and 4 days. Clearly, I do not know when I ovulate or we would not be in this predicament.

When you look like I do at 6 weeks, you go in hoping you are further along or possibly thinking there could be twins in there (we do have a family history ya know). But no, I am actually not as far along as I thought. There is very little reason for my belly to look like I am 5 months pregnant. Clearly, my body is just assuming the position, getting ready and make a lot of room.

Anyway, we are very grateful for that little flicker. Praise God for the absolute miracle of life. Thank you for your prayers, we will continue to keep you posted.

Think Spring

2009-02-10T11:48:00.001-08:00

We had a beautiful day on Saturday, nearly 60 and sunny. Brad was so excited that it might be spring that he set out with the girls to clean out the garage. He figured it would be a good idea to put the snow shovels and the sleds in storage. Of course it snowed last night and is still snowing now but we are still thinking spring.

The girls were having such a fun time playing outside that I took some pictures. They crack me up.
For some reason this is what Kadie thought would be the perfect outfit to clean out the garage with Daddy in. With the hiking stick, it makes me just laugh. I just think she is so funny.

Kadie was loving her little bike but we had to watch her closely or she would be blazing down the driveway, fearless and out of control.

With daddy, going for a ride.

A close up of Kadie in her shades, looking so serious.

Daddy and Issie, in her new hat from Grandma.

We will continue to think spring as we get the snow shovels and chains back out from under the house.

Praying for a better attitude.

2009-02-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

I realize much of my past several years was spent wanting to be pregnant, wanting a bunch of kids. Pregnancy is hard but it is worth it. I would have a hard time when women complained about it. Not the legitimate complaints but the random ones (hard to explain). I had the attitude that I would be grateful if I could get pregnant.

Now I realize a lot of these feelings came from a pretty unhealthy place in me, I do not ever intend to be judgemental, but some things were just hard to handle.

Well, here I am, hearing myself, realizing that I am that whining, ungrateful, selfish pregnant woman. I am not totally condemning myself, as I know to some degree this is adjusting and processing and totally changing my mindset. But I feel bad that I don't have a great attitude right now.

I am excited about what God has in store. I know it will be what is right, what is good.

I wonder at times about the fact that I can barely manage with the kiddo's I have, how am I going to add another? Everytime that I miss it with the kids, I ask God "really, do you think I can do this?".

I was a little sick this morning. Not terrible at all, just icky. And tired. I had a rotten attitude about it. I am always real, not a lot of hiding what I am feeling here. But I long for a different attitude.

I don't know what will help. It is not awful, I just don't like feeling this way. The Lord has blessed me with another baby, He has provided a stable job for Brad and health insurance, He has kept my hormone levels high, He keeps me healthy, I have a lot to be grateful for.

I pray for a better attitude.

Issie's Piggies

2009-02-03T18:21:00.001-08:00

Issie has always had nice thick hair. Fortunately she didn't really go through the bald old man look that her sister did. But Brad refuses to have the girls have their hair in their eyes. I fought hard to have no bangs with Kadie, and lost. He cannot figure out how to do their hair so if I am not constantly putting it in a clip or pony he wants to cut it. So we cut Kadie's bangs and it wasn't so bad. I did not fight it with Issie. However, Brad did the cutting this last time and sometimes I think she looks like a little elf and sometimes I think she looks like a little dutch boy. So I thought I would try some pigtails.

It is pretty hilarious really. They start out as little horn like curls but as the day goes, and she naps, plays with hats and what not, her hair turns into these little spikes. She loves them, she looks in the mirror and laughs at herself and pulls on them. It is so funny.

Here is a side shot, I try to get them pointing to the back at least so she doesn't look like she has spikes sticking out to the sides of her head.

My sweet girl. She definitely does not look like a little dutch boy with the piggies.

Exhausted, already???

2009-02-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

I seriously think it must be the power of suggestion, there is no way I could be this tired, this soon. I worked today and came home to lay down for "20 minutes", and an hour and a half later Brad came and woke me up for dinner. I know I get tired, that is my main pregnancy symptom, but really.....this soon. I just found out last week and already I am sleeping the afternoons away. Maybe I was just really tired before but was fighting it and now I feel justified to sleep. Who knows.

Kadie told her preschool class today that she was going to get a new baby brother when she went to Kindergarten. Pretty cute.

The more people that know, the more real it all is. I have not wanted to call people, so this blog helps me get my thoughts out without the exhaustion of talking to so many people. Sorry if that sounds heartless but it is exhausting to me a times. Anyway, thank you for your prayers. I am grateful that my ultrasound is next week, not too long to wait.